Brookline mom delivers humorous book on motherhood
By Lesley Mahoney/ Brookline Tab
Thursday, March 31, 2005

Back when her kids were not sleeping through the night, Beth Teitell was brainstorming ways to get out of the house alone.

"But as a new mom, it would have been so uncool to go on vacation," she joked.

That's when Teitell, a lifestyle columnist at the Boston Herald, wondered how she could convince her editor to send her on a business trip. She decided a book tour would be her best bet. But first, she needed to write a book.

"I was trying to write myself a good night's sleep," Teitell said, her delivery like the punch line of a good joke.

On a recent day at Peet's Coffee & Tea in Coolidge Corner, the Brookline mother of two is just as witty in person as in her new book "From Here to Maternity: The Education of a Rookie Mom" - her intended recipe for a little R&R.

"But now they're sleeping through the night," said Teitell, referring to her sons, now 4 1/2 and 3 1/3, "and I don't really want to go away."

But seriously, Teitell'sreal reason for writing the book was to shed a little light - and humor - on what it's like to be a new mom, and all the delights, struggles and surprises that come with the job description.

Honest and witty, "From Here to Maternity" explores with refreshing candor topics that aren't likely to be discussed in how-to books or birthing classes: "mommy dating;" driving or pushing a baby carriage for hours to induce napping; baby stroller envy; and the pressure to "know the words to a seemingly endless playlist of kiddie songs and nursery rhymes," to name a few.

"There are a lot of books out there now... There's a lot of attention on how stressful it is to be a mom, and there's so much pressure put on women to be perfect mothers," said Teitell, a former TAB reporter.

But one needs to decide how to define 'the perfect mother'," she said.

For Teitell, that doesn't mean "sandwiches cut in the shape of a heart." It has more to do with making your kids feel happy, secure and loved, she said. Oh, and don't forget to have a sense of humor along the way.

When her first child proved to be a fussy eater, Teitell, who said she's been on a diet since the fourth grade, thought, "What's his secret?"

Speaking of eating, everyone talks about "baby weight," Teitell observes, but what about "toddler weight?" "No one tells you this, but once the child's off Similac or breast milk, and on to macaroni and cheese, that your trouble starts," Teitell writes, referring to the unavoidable tendency to nosh on the same food your children do.

Then there's the business of child care.

"I'm like a real pick-up artist," Teitell said. "I'll be in kiddy gymnastics, and I'll be looking at the instructor," and sometimes follow up with a proposition to babysit. "It's always embarrassing when I get turned down," she said, laughing.

But once a nanny or babysitter is secured, there's the "fear of abandonment." In fact, when Teitell was pregnant with her second child, her nanny did have to leave. Pregnant and the mother of a 14-month-old, Teitell wasn't feeling very marketable, especially with typical fliers around town advertising "looking for a nanny for an adorable 4-year-old" and offering trips to France.

"I'm offering one 14-month-old and a newborn and" the promise of "rugs vacuumed twice a week," Teitell said her flier would have read.

As if motherhood wasn't stressful enough, celebrities, with their perfect post-baby bodies, don't make life any easier. In her book, Teitell proposes a campaign, "Got Milk Stains?" - a takeoff on the ads featuring famous somebodies proudly showing off milk mustaches - to cast celebrities in a "real" light.

For those who live in the area, some of Teitell's references to Brookline and greater Boston - drives down Route 9 in an attempt to get her son to nap, and trips to Trader Joe's, for example - will resonate. And that woman you may have regularly spotted clicking away at her laptop at Zathmary's, the last table in the back, very well could have been Teitell at work on her tome. "I sort of felt like Zathmary's was my office," she said. Teitell, who lives outside of Coolidge Corner with her husband and two sons, didn't include in her book, however, the nickname for the area she'd like to coin: "CoCo."

Teitell is writing for moms-to-be, new moms, not-so-new moms, grandparents and even fathers. Her ultimate advice? "Relax, try to enjoy it and be in the moment... Really take pleasure in your kids."

And she's hoping her book will let people know that they're not alone in what can sometimes be a frightening experience. Take it from Teitell, who went from being single to getting married and having a baby in 18 months' time.

"I hope people can laugh at what can be a stressful time," she said.

Upcoming local readings and signings for "From Here to Maternity: The Education of a Rookie Mom," which hit stores on March 29, include:

Tuesday, April 12, 3:30 p.m.: Garden of Eden, 571 Tremont St.

Thursday, April 21, 12:30 p.m.: Borders Books and Music, School Street, Downtown Crossing

Saturday, April 23, 2 p.m.: Chestnut Hill Borders (in the Atrium Mall)

Monday, April 25, 5:30 p.m.: Sorriso Restaurant (in Leather District), ReadBoston Celebrity Author Series

Thursday, May 5, 7 p.m.: Brookline Booksmith

Sunday, May 15, 3 p.m.: Concord Bookshop