Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Well, at least it's a step in the right direction. This past Sunday the Boston Athletic Association introduced the BAA Half Marathon.

Personally, I'm holding out for the BAA 1/26 Marathon, or, better yet, the BAA 1/52 Marathon, but I'm guessing it might be a while. When I called the BAA to ask if they were considering even shorter ``marathons,'' a spokeswoman told me there were no plans ``at this time.''

Oh, well. Half a marathon is better than a whole, I guess. Why schlep 26.2 miles when you earn virtually the same show-off points by going only 13.1 miles? You still get a T-shirt, and, if you were lucky enough to go to the medical tent, a mylar cape.

When you think about it, the problem with so many things in life is not that they're bad ideas, but that they last too long.

Work, for example. It's great, don't get me wrong. But 40 hours a week? For 45 years? Who has that kind of stamina?

And small talk? Let's make it tiny talk. Or better yet, nano-talk. Connecting with others is nice, but who has the time for the whole shebang: ``Hi, how are you?'' ``Good, and you?'' ``Good. What's going on?'' ``Not much, how about with you?'' ``Same old, same old.''

How about everyone agrees to shortening the standard exchange to: ``Hello.'' ``Hello.''

Am I the only one who thinks ``Survivor'' drags? It's a fun idea (or at least was), but why not cut out all those middle episodes, where the bickering gets kind of depressing. They should have the first show, in which the contestants and their various feuds are introduced, quickly go to tribal council, where almost everyone would be voted off the island, or whatever they're on now, and then proceed straight to the season finale. The whole thing would be over in two hours.

And what about the trip to the Berkshires? The western part of the state is beautiful this time of year, but two and a half or three hours to look at some orange leaves when you can see an even more vibrant display decorating the Halloween section at your local drugstore?

I hate to point fingers, but a large part of the problem is other people. Let's use the Fourth of July on the Esplanade as an example. No one in her right mind wants to spend an entire day broiling in the sun and patrolling her blanket's borders, but because some people are willing to camp out for space at 6 a.m., everyone has to. Couldn't we all agree that no one will storm the Esplanade until 8 p.m.?

And what about the book ``The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People''? As an ineffective person, I don't have time to read the entire thing. And you know what, at this point in my life, being ``highly effective'' is no longer a realistic goal. How about a spin-off: ``The Three Habits of Pretty Effective People.''

From what I can tell, the way to lead a pretty effective life is to get credit for something - to earn the mylar cape, so to speak - without having to go the extra mile. The extra half-mile, maybe.