Practicing random acts of normalcy in trying time
by Beth Teitell

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

I overheard two colleagues talking yesterday. ``How was your weekend?'' one asked. ``We went to `Mamma Mia!','' the other replied. I was expecting the usual, ``How was it?'' but the response was different: ``Good for you!''

Terrorists don't know what we're doing on a day-today basis. They're unaware of the thousands of individual decisions to hold the wedding, go to Fenway, enjoy a stroll on Newbury Street - despite the fears of an attack here in Boston over the weekend.

Osama bin Laden doesn't know that I kept a dinner reservation in downtown Boston on Saturday night. That a woman named Jenny went ahead with plans to visit family in Virginia, not far from the Pentagon. That the Young Friends of the Public Garden decided, after some discussion, to hold its annual benefit and awards dinner at the Four Seasons last weekend after all.

But as Americans continue to mourn, a second emotion is growing: defiance.

President Bush and other leaders have urged us to continue to spend to jump-start the economy. But just as strong as the financial motive, many people say, is the desire to Make a Statement.

``I wanted to make a statement,'' a friend told me. She's an avid shopper, but even so, she wasn't in the mood to buy anything last weekend. Then she reconsidered. ``I was like, no, I'm not going to be stopped,'' she said.

So she went to Costco and T.J. Maxx and the South Shore Plaza. ``I bought placemats,'' she said. ``And I didn't even need them.''

Another woman I talked to went apple-picking Sunday. ``I wanted to do something all-American to show them,'' she said. ``And it was great to be out there.''

``I decided that I wasn't going to let my fear control me anymore.''

That marked a change from Saturday, when, in her desire to avoid driving on a major road - Route 128 - she paid more for a new cell phone than she would have had she gone to Circuit City in Burlington.

``I hope I can continue to feel this way,'' she added. ``Otherwise, they win.''

``America's been attacked,'' explained a man I know, ``and I want to do something. I can't join the army at 53 and be the oldest private in the world, but what I can do is live my life contrary to the expectations of the people who attacked us.''

But as we begin the third week since the tragedy, and some things return to normal - or the new definition of ``normal'' - many say it still feels wrong to continue as if nothing had happened.

``At first I felt bad `getting back to the business of life,' '' a friend said.

Taking her daughter to the zoo, splurging on gourmet ice cream cones, even laughing at the movie she'd rented - ``Drop Dead Gorgeous'' - made her feel guilty.

``But then I realized that these are precisely the things I should be doing - what we all should be doing,'' she said.

Meanwhile, one woman was struck by New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's urging to ``go back to your normal way of life.'' It made her reflect on how she had been spending her time, she said, and to realize that her ``normal way of life stinks.''

``And,'' she added, ``that I'm so lucky to have it.''