Cheney's electric bill: Light's on, but no one's home?
by Beth Teitell

Wednesday, August 1, 2001

I don't want to be unfair. I know the vice president lives in a mansion, which probably has high ceilings, and that he might, because he entertains often, own several refrigerators, and also do a lot of laundry - napkins, table clothes, guest towels, etc.

Further, I'd like to say that I wouldn't want some of my bills scrutinized - What? She spent $450 last month on alpha hydroxy? - but even so: $134,000 a year on electricity?

It looks like someone isn't turning off the lights when he leaves a room.

As reported yesterday, the Senate is expected to approve a spending bill that will shift the electricity bill for the vice president's official home - estimated at $134,000 for this year - entirely to the Navy, at the request of the Bush administration. But how do you even rack up a bill that large? Does Cheney run an electric blanket night and day? Brush his teeth for hours with an electric toothbrush? Did the Mrs. plug in her curlers when they moved in in January, and then forget to turn them off?

Or perhaps - during the few hours Cheney isn't running up White House electric bills - he's in his home office, obsessively sharpening new pencils down to nubs with an electric sharpener, or staring into an open refrigerator trying to decide which snack to eat.

Is he powering his pacemaker from home? In which case, shouldn't Blue Cross/Blue Shield, or whichever insurance he uses, cover part of the cost, and let the Navy pick up the deductible, or a $10 co-pay?

And to think, I was feeling guilty because I left the hall closet light on overnight, and it wasn't one of those energy efficient compact fluorescent bulbs.

I guess if the Navy were picking up my tab, I might not be so careful, either.

When I read the size of Cheney's utility bill, I felt the way I did when I heard how much Patricia Duff wanted from her ex-husband, billionaire Ronald O. Perleman, to pay for child support for their 4-year-old daughter: $4,400 a day. Spending that kind of money sounds like fun, but it takes hard work, too. (I guess Cheney is trying to prove to his friends in the energy industry that, despite some recent conservation talk, he's still their guy.)

The average American electric bill, by the way, is $872 a year, according to the Edison Electric Institute. But that Cheney, he's such a hard worker, he can toss that off in a day and a half!

The vice president's spokeswoman and I played phone tag yesterday (I suspect she was at Cheney's house, frantically flipping switches off), so I can't report firsthand what the Cheneys are splurging on, but I've read a ``highly inefficient'' heating and air-conditioning system are to blame, and that the vice president and Mrs. Cheney are ``very concerned'' and are ``investigating every way they can reduce those bills.''

Don't worry, Mr. Cheney. If that Shaws in East Boston can win the ``Energy Star'' label for its conservation efforts, I'm sure you can, too.