Look both ways before setting foot on sidewalk

by Beth Teitell
Wednesday, July 17, 2002

When I first heard that Massachusetts legislators are considering - seriously considering - a bill that would allow Segway HT motorized scooters to drive on the sidewalks, I suspected something must be going on behind the scenes.

Because on the face of it, letting Boston drivers loose in pedestrian zones does not sound like a smart idea. Or perhaps the lawmakers don't know that the bumper sticker that reads, ``If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk'' is supposed to be a joke, not a safety warning.

Incredibly, 30 states already have given Segways sidewalk passes, so my guess is politics is at work. Maybe the powerful Rollerblade lobbyists have put their muscle behind the legislation, hoping Segways will make their little inline skates look tame by comparison. Or maybe it's Big Podiatry throwing its weight around, looking to drum up business.

``Or maybe,'' a pro-Segway friend said when I mentioned my theories to her, ``it's just a good idea.''

Yeah, right. Fat-free brownies seemed like a good idea at the time, too, and look where those have gotten us as a nation (into size 18 pants).

I know Dean Kamen, Segway's inventor, is supposed to be a genius, but he lives in New Hampshire, and so perhaps isn't familiar with the famed Boston Drivers, or finds them charming from a distance, but believe me Dean, these are the last people you want behind the handlebar of a motorized vehicle zipping down Newbury Street on an 83-pound machine, going at 15 mph.

Segway executives like to play up how much time their scooters will save, and how helpful they are for law enforcement and emergency personnel, but all I can think about is Sidewalk Rage.

You'd be strolling down Boylston, enjoying yourself, maybe stopping to read a menu, or window shop, when all of a sudden you'd sense that you were being - is it possible? - tailgated. A Segway and its ticked-off driver would be right behind you, laying on his horn and giving you the bird.

``Move outta the way, @#$!*&,'' he'd yell, as he pulled around to pass, glaring as he zoomed by, talking into a cell phone, changing the radio dial and unwrapping a Big Mac.

But don't worry. Segways will pose no danger, at least not according to the company's Web site.

``Just like a person,'' the text reads, ``the Segway HT can turn in place and balance when moving or standing still. Incidental contact with people, objects or other Segway HT users is manageable due to the Segway HT's lightweight frame, specially designed tires and systems that instantaneously respond to human reactions.''

How about this for a human reaction? ``Get off my pinky toe!''

Perhaps I'm just being a grouch, but between the Rollerbladers, the strollers, the bikers, the skateboarders, the runners, the tourists and the dog walkers, the sidewalks are already a bit tight.

As safe as the Segway is, some lawmakers said at last Thursday's hearing before the Public Safety Committee that they would propose a requirement that riders younger than 15 wear helmets.

I'm glad the children will be protected, but what about me? Commuting to work in running shoes already makes me look like enough of a dork. Throw in protective head gear and the game will be over.

``Let's meet at the Armani cafe,'' a friend said sarcastically, picturing my getup.

But if the Segways do hit the sidewalks, we pedestrians are going to have to adapt. We'll need rear-view mirrors, bumpers, side-impact air bags, anti-lock brakes, fast passes, beverage holders and, of course, personal horns.

Oh, I gotta go. I just noticed the time, and I need to leave now so I can beat the foot traffic on the Pike.