Riddle me this, Mitt: Are you a resident?

by Beth Teitell
Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Here's how the Democrats could snag Mitt on the residency thing: Making sure to clearly address the envelope ``to the attention of Mitt Romney, not his wife'' they should send him free tickets to Giggles Comedy Club in Saugus, then pay off the emcee to warm up the crowd by asking, ``Anyone here from Park City?''

If Mitt so much as starts to raise his hand, even if he yanks it down when he realizes what's happening, they can present his little slip as evidence in front of the State Ballot Law Commission.

Actually, the Democrats should forget the State Ballot Law Commission altogether - the body's historically lenient in interpreting the residency requirement, and it's packed with Republicans - and instead make Romney take this simple quiz:

1) You're driving down Mass. Ave. and the light turns yellow. You:

a) Pull to a stop.

b) Floor it.

2) You're driving down Mass. Ave. and the light turns yellow and the car in front of you stops. You:

a) Pull to a stop.

b) Lean on your horn, back up, pull around the offending vehicle while gesturing obscenely, and screech off.

3) Thirty years ago a colleague left your fund-raiser at Anthony's Pier 4 moments after arriving. You:

a) Still joke about how he almost missed the birth of his first child because of Boston traffic.

b) Vote against every bill he introduces.

4) The city of Boston is larger and more culturally important than . . .:

a) New Ashford, Mass.

b) Manhattan.

5) Boston needs more:

a) Parking.

b) Convention centers.

6) The Boston Red Sox are a:

a) Baseball team.

b) Religion.

7) A triple decker is:

a) A sandwich.

b) An architecturally important and revered style of housing.

8) The MCAS is:

a) I don't know.

b) I don't know but I have a strong opinion about it.

9) A clerk makes a $54,000 error in your favor. You:

a) Return the money.

b) Get out of town as fast as you can.

If he answers even one question with the ``b'' choice, he meets the residency requirement.

If not, the Republicans could bring back Jane Swift. She'd ace the written exam, and even if she didn't, she's got the frequent-flier miles from her helicopter ride to prove she lives here.