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by Beth Teitell
Tuesday, April 23, 2002
When news broke last week that ``Ally McBeal'' was being canceled I felt sort
of sad, although I'm not sure why - I haven't watched the show in years. I couldn't
take Ally and her stupid, endless insecurities anymore.
And yet, like the opera, there was something comforting about having her around. When an institution crumbles, even one you don't patronize, a small part of each of us dies.
Even though Ally was fictional, as it was sometimes necessary to remind oneself, feeling superior to her was one of life's little pleasures. Ally had it all - the Harvard Law degree, the great wardrobe, the lack of thighs - and yet she couldn't find happiness.
``Sick as this sounds,'' a friend said, ``her miserableness made me feel better about myself.''
But my friend deserted ``Ally McBeal'' years ago, so I guess we got what we deserved.
``Is it ethical to watch the finale?'' my friend wondered, ``or is it like going to the funeral of a person you've killed and are pretending to mourn?''
I don't mean this in a sappy way, but I'm not ready to say ``goodbye'' to Ally.
As one of my friends put it, ``At this point in my life, I don't have time to invest in a new relationship. I don't have time to spend learning to hate someone new.''
The reason given for the cancellation of ``Ally'' was the typical one: ratings. But maybe that's not true. Maybe Ally, like Kathie Lee before her, left to spite us, to show us what life would be like without an easy target (who of course happens to be female).
Now that I think about it, this fall the entire Government Center area is going to be a bit poorer. Ally will no longer be showing up for work there, and neither will Jane Swift.
While the two would appear to have little in common - one's a real person who's married with three young children, the other's a childless sitcom character - they're actually in the same boat.
Indeed, just as Ally pulled out all the stops to save her gig - celeb guest stars, a two-hour special, the introduction of a child - so too did Jane.
There was the birth of her twins, the revelation that she is her husband's fourth wife, the rogue stepson, the weight loss and make-over. Who knows what Jane's writers would have pulled out had she decided to run again: A coma? The sudden appearance of an evil twin? The untimely death of an aide? The timely and on-budget completion of the Big Dig. (Nah, some things are too unbelievable.)
Anyway, with Ally's finale less than a month away, the question is, where do we go from here?
I for one, am going to relearn the lesson I learned with ``Seinfeld,'' which is that you should never get too attached to a show (even in a negative, I'm-just-watching-to-mock way).
Like pets, TV programs don't live as long as we do, so unless you're lucky enough to kick off first, the death of a show will always leave you feeling a little empty inside.
Until, of course, the next one comes along.