Dating advice industry suffers setback as author of `The Rules' breaks one
by Beth Teitell

Thursday, April 5, 2001

The fiber community was shaken awhile back when two major studies found that eating enough roughage to pass, as a comedian once put it, a wicker chair didn't provide protection against colon cancer after all.

People who had been existing on all-All Bran diets didn't know where to turn. Froot Loops? Suicide?

Shock waves of similarly earth-shattering magnitude were felt recently when news broke that one of the co-authors of ``The Rules,'' the controversial best-selling series of dating books, is divorcing.

As it was following the fiber bombshell, reaction is divided into two distinct camps: the ``Ha-ha's!'' and the ``What do I do now's?'' (with the ``ha-ha'' side enjoying more than a slight numerical advantage).

``There is justice,'' one woman said, pumping her fist in the air. ``This is the best news since Martha Stewart's divorce, or Kathie Lee's husband cheating on her.''

Making Ellen Fein's split from her husband even sweeter are these facts:

1) The divorce filing has become public on the eve of publication of Fein and co-author Sherrie Schneider's latest tract, ``The Rules III: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work.''

2) Fein cited ``abandonment'' as grounds.

Abandonment? As anyone familiar with Rule #26 knows - ``Even if You're Engaged or Married You Still Need The Rules'' - Fein must have had it coming.

Rule #26, after all, is practically an abandonment guide: ``Don't call him at work so often,'' it counsels. ``Don't call saying, `I miss you.' . . . Don't initiate sex, even if you want it badly. . . . Act independent. Always be coming or going.''

See you later, honey. Oops. I didn't mean ``honey.''

If Rule #26 doesn't provide the gloating masses with enough fodder, Chapter 20 of ``The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By'' sure will:

``In a Rules marriage,'' the authors write, ``any work you have to do is on yourself - being happy or easy to be with, pursuing your career and interests, staying fit - not figuring out how to get your husband's attention.''

Oh, well.

But Fein might not be the only one feeling ignored. New York Magazine reported Fein's husband of 16 years, a pharmacist named Paul Feingertz, filed a few divorce papers himself, also claiming ``abandonment.''

Fein's publisher, Warner Books, has yet to file its own suit, but it might have a good case on its hands. Although Fein -who still wears her hair long, just as she advises her readers - filed for divorce more than a year ago, she just recently told the company about her change in marital status. Must have slipped her mind.

Now, like a bride struggling to refigure the seating chart to accomodate a last-minute split among two guests, Warner Books is trying to figure out how to promote a book on living happily ever after by an author who isn't. (No word yet on any tension in Schneider's marriage.)

But not everyone was toasting Fein's ``bad'' news. Yesterday I spoke to a Rules Girl who had gotten engaged with the help of the book (or maybe she had just met Mr. Right coincidentally at the same time she started using ``The Rules,'' but either way, she's a convert).

How do you feel? I asked. What does this mean for your marriage?

She was ``shaken'' but upbeat. ``I just maintain that she stopped doing `The Rules' at some point along the way,'' she said.

``I hope so, anyway.''