Lure of the dance: Can exercising like a ballerina make you look like one?
by Beth Teitell

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

I called my mother the other day. I had a little question I wanted answered. I wasn't looking to place blame, I just wanted to know. ``Mom,'' I asked, ``why didn't I take ballet when I was younger?''

My editor had given me a promotional copy of a soon-to-be-released exercise video, ``The New York City Ballet Workout,'' and watching the dancers, with their lean, sculpted muscles and limber bodies, I couldn't help but think how different my life might have been.

I'd be one of those women with perfect posture and a swan's neck. I'd hang around with members of the corps de ballet, smoking and not eating and having nervous breakdowns, but they'd be sexy, ballerina breakdowns, like Winona Ryder would suffer if she danced.

I'd share a tutu-littered loft in Manhattan with Svetlana and Irina and Olga, and when I was feeling nostalgic I'd remember little things Balanchine had said to me - ``You are a special flower'' - and I'd weep, in a graceful, poised way, sitting on the floor and sweeping my arms around my body, but my mascara wouldn't run. I'd look good in leg warmers.

My body would be my instrument, and my feet would be hideous, but in that isn't-it-funny-and-cute-when-gorgeous-women-have-ugly-feet way. Uma Thurman with bunions. Isabella Rossellini with hammer toes.

I was mid-plie when my mother's voice cut through. ``I signed you up for a class,'' she recalled, ``but you didn't want to go.''

She took me to a ballet hoping to pique my interest, she said, and afterward asked if I'd liked it.

``Yes,'' I said, ``but don't get any ideas.''

Six years old, and already I was closing doors.

But this video, with its 50 stretches and exercises, would be my second chance. It's like Sarah Jessica Parker says in the introduction: ``Now how can we mere mortals obtain bodies like these, you may ask. Find out by joining them in a special version of their daily fitness routine, the New York City Ballet Workout.''

Right. Like Sarah Jessica has the body of a ``mere mortal.'' She could star in her own exercise (and hair) video. But Sarah Jessica (do her friends call her that?) is not the point, I reminded myself. Your thighs are. I decided to give the NYC Ballet workout a try.

Well, actually, just to be safe, since I hadn't contacted my physician yet, I merely watched the video. Like I would a performance, I rationalized.

As the four dancers plied and demi-plied and arabesqued and battemented with classical music playing in the background, I thought, ``Wow, that looks like really good exercise!''

Excited about my new body, I called the publicist when I got to work the next day. ``How long will it take for me to look like that?'' I asked.

Videophone technology has not yet come to the Boston Herald, so the guy didn't really know what he was dealing with, but being a PR type, he gave an answer nonetheless. ``We have gotten reports from people who do the workouts (in New York City gyms) and they are beginning to see noticeable results in four weeks in terms of slimming, muscle sculpting, flexibility and posture,'' he said.

Four weeks. Hmmm. I was hoping for something a little faster.

Maybe I'll just learn to put my hair in a bun.