For truly frightening costume, here’s the ingredients
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I’m worried my Halloween costume might be too scary for some people. I’m going as the terrifying scourge of our time, a specter so chilling as to make grown people drop their French fries in terror. Think mutant rat, but without the charm.
That’s right - I’m trick-or-treating as trans fat. Arteries beware!
With KFC vowing to phase out the evil ingredient from its Original Recipe and Extra Crispy fried chicken and other menu items, and New York City’s Board of Health poised to hold hearings on banning the fats from restaurants, I figure I can pick up a costume cheap.
‘‘Costume?” a friend asked when she heard my plans. ‘‘Who even knows what a trans fat looks like?”
Not me, but who cares? I’ll scare the heck out of people just the same. Or maybe that’s an overdose of horror - this is, after all, an age in which bags of fresh baby spinach pack more of a terror punch than Freddy Krueger himself. Ah, for simpler times.
These days, I could chill the blood by going as a real estate agent - one who doesn’t return calls from clients whose houses have been on the market for 18 months, despite multiple price reductions and injections of potted plants and re-faced kitchen cabinets. The only problem with that one is it might not put the people doling out the Milky Ways in a generous mood.
Other possibilities include: a TiVo machine that - heh, heh, heh - cuts off the end of shows such as ‘‘Lost” or ‘‘The Academy Awards.” Or maybe a laptop unable to get a wireless signal at the local coffee shop. Now that’s frightening.
‘‘How about going as the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure?” my friend asked. I could go as Alex Kuczynski, the author of ‘‘Beauty Junkies.” A bad reaction to a Restylane injection turned her upper lip into a yam. I could get one of those at the supermarket. Or maybe I could buy a mask that looks exactly like my face but is immobile. Presto! Instant Botox Victim costume.
But the problem with trying to ride the crest of the Halloween-costume-trend wave is wiping out and being So Five Minutes Ago before you leave the house.
Which is why my bird flu outfit will languish in the closet this year.
