Coffee maker that forecasts weather? Our cups runneth over
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Turning on the radio for the weather report is one of the most grueling tasks of the morning, I think we can all agree. Every day, as I labor, brow sweating, to hit the “on” button, I dream about how much sweeter life would be without this chore. Alas, prayers to Our Lady of Perpetual Lethargy have gone unanswered.
Until now. With the nation on the brink of exhaustion, a new product is poised to hit the market and save us all. For a mere $199, the Melitta Smart Mill & Brew not only makes coffee, but displays current weather conditions and gives a three-day forecast and information on visibility and the ultraviolet index (although you’ve got to wonder how someone too lazy to use two separate appliances could even make it out the door).
“Imagine being able to check the weather in the morning as your favorite cup of coffee is brewing - so you can know how to dress and if you need an umbrella without having to turn on the news,” account coordinator Jessika Goldstein wrote. “It will be available this November - just in time for the holidays!”
Goldstein’s mention of “the holidays” made me think how much I’d like a coffee machine that not only brews, but beeps out every mention of “the holidays” between August and November.
If that’s not possible - and I’m guessing not because the Holiday Lobby is very powerful - why not a coffee machine that actually does something useful, such as making the kids’ lunches, or cleaning up the breakfast dishes while you hustle to work? And instead of just displaying a cloud with drops falling, or a smiling sun - allegedly to tell you how to dress - how about graphics or a recorded voice suggesting specific items in your wardrobe? “It’s cloudy and 58 degrees. Wear your gray pants and the black sweater. No, you can’t wear the matching top, because you haven’t picked it up from the dry cleaners yet.” Now that’s a coffee maker.
The meteorologists have yet to weigh in on this threat to their livelihood - how long until a Mr. Coffee replaces Willard Scott? But as a patriotic American I have an issue with this trend toward consolidation. It’s one more example of the God Forbid You Should Move An Inch Syndrome, in which more and more things are set up to multitask to an absurd level, so that we eventually morph into blobs hooked up to a coffee maker/barometer/TV/microwave/laptop.
I have seen the future, and it won’t get off the couch.
