Walking Wings isn’t one giant step for baby-kind
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Thursday, October 5, 2006
Can you believe kids these days? Wait, scrap that. Can you believe parents these days?
They buy the darndest things: Video baby monitors with night vision — yes, night vision — and weatherproof cameras; strollers that cost $1,000, and that’s before they’ve been tricked out. A “L’il Snuggler” bassinet-y thing made to keep baby safe from rollovers while sleeping in mom and dad’s bed. Bumpers for the coffee-table corners and locks for the toilet seat.
And now, the latest must-have product for the modern baby, or the modern mom: “Walking Wings,” which, for a mere $24.99, allow babies to learn to walk “naturally.”
Silly you, thinking babies have been learning to walk “naturally” for millennia. Welcome to the new “natural,” achievable only through the aid of a product, preferably one sold on Target.com.
In case you haven’t seen a parent and Winged baby out for a stroll — and believe me, you’d remember it — here’s how it works: You strap the Walking Wings vest around baby’s chest, and then you hold the two straps while she takes those first wobbly steps. Sooooo much better than the “old-fashioned” way — holding junior’s hands during this key developmental stage. Actual mom-to-baby contact? Ewwww. Kids have so many germs.
Besides, you’ve got your lower back to think of, although you probably should have thought of that before you had a child, since scooching over a little to help her walk will be just one small part of your lumbar problems.
The product is billed as a “revolution in learning to walk.” I had no idea that walking needed to be revolutionized — why not revolutionize crying instead? But there’s a larger issue: If we strap our toddlers into safety harnesses to keep them from falling during their first steps, what will they grow to expect? A world wallpapered in Wet Wipes for 24/7 germ protection? Concrete sidewalks lined with mattresses?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against safety, or even the expectation of it, it’s just that life comes with some bumps and bruises. Think of the mega-safe future: Will “Why Johnny Can’t Read” be replaced by “Why Johnny Won’t Leave His Room Until His Mother Inspects the Outside for Icky Things”?
Talk about setting kids up for
a fall.
