Hollywood celebs won’t loosen their principles to tie the knot
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
”Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.”
- Brad Pitt, in October’s Vanity Fair
It was to be expected, really. Blaming one’s childhood, or some disorder for one’s behavior is so passe (”I can’t marry you, I’m lactose intolerant”). We needed to redefine enabling for the new millennium, and happily our actors - who better? - are showing the way.
First Charlize Theron took the faux high road, claiming she and her (almost) beloved, Stuart Townsend, wouldn’t marry until everyone could. Apparently unable to hold out, they did something everyone can do: They broke up.
And now Pitt has called a gay delay. Funny, high principles didn’t keep him from tying the knot with Jennifer. Maybe it skips a relationship. Unfortunately, what starts in Hollywood doesn’t stay in Hollywood. Pretty soon, would-be grooms all over the country - or, make that wouldn’t-be-grooms - will refuse to set a date until everyone can marry.
As of press time there was no word on Angelina’s mother’s response, but it’s not hard to imagine how regular civilians’ moms will respond to such an explanation. ”You couldn’t have thought of this before you two had a baby together? Before your relationship was splashed all over the world? What am I supposed to tell my friends, and Aunt Carol? You know that your father is not going to be happy about this.”
My guess is that the threat/excuse (the threat-scuse) is going to spread beyond the wedding realm into everyday life, as in:
When are you going to get a job?
I won’t take a job until conditions for migrant workers improve.
When are you going to move out of your parents’ house and get your own apartment?
I won’t rent until there’s affordable housing for the poor.
When are you going to stop mooching rides and at least pay for gas?
I won’t chip in until Bush admits that this is a war for oil.
And finally, when are you going to stop spending all your free time reading about celebrities instead of learning something important about the world?
I won’t stop until Brad and Angelina get married.
