Things could get ugly with plane ban on grooming aids
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - Updated: 01:22 PM EST
Is it safe to fly? Considering that the Brits are still investigating 24 major terrorist conspiracies, that remains an open question. But there’s one thing we know for sure: When/if you land, it is not safe to be seen by anyone whose opinion matters to you.
At least not until you are reunited with: your contact lens solution, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, exfoliating wipes, makeup remover, anti-aging serum, eye cream, upper lip repair potion, moisturizer with anti-oxidants, hair glossing gel and firm-hold spray, brow mousse, hydration spray, foundation, concealer, nail polish, blush, bronzer, lash primer, mascara, lip gloss, perfume and vitamin water.
Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff got it right when he lowered the threat level Sunday, stressing: ‘‘This does not mean the threat is over.” I’ll say. As long as you can’t carry your beauty potions on the plane with you, at least one threat is real. Airlines lose checked luggage all the time. That’s potentially hundreds and hundreds of dollars down the drain, not to mention the stress of trying to replicate your grooming arsenal in a foreign city.
And even in the best case, when your bag arrives safely, imagine the challenge in getting to your cosmetics before being spotted by the lover or business contact who’s nicely volunteered to meet you at the airport. The trick is to tell your ride you’ll be arriving a half an hour later than you really are. Or maybe it’s better to insist on taking a cab. Really, I don’t want you to go to the trouble.
This could be a boon for not just the taxi drivers, but the paparazzi. No more need to camp out in front of Hollywood Starbucks locations waiting hours to catch the famous looking disheveled. Now they can fish in the stocked pond of the ‘‘arrivals” gate. (Well, at least until all the stars stop flying commercial.)
And you know, this grooming-products ban could create a new way for airlines to compete. Those eager to lure passengers could offer a service at landing time: for a small fee - or 10,000 frequent flier miles - they’ll whisk you through a secret tunnel to your luggage, then hustle you into a private grooming booth before you’ve got to face your public.
If you even make it on the plane, that is. Turns out the Transportation Security Administration is planning to train screeners to analyze the behavior of passengers waiting to go through security. I don’t know exactly what they’re looking for, but there’s one thing I hope Chertoff’s minions keep in mind before slapping on the cuffs: The specter of being separated from a favorite lip gloss is enough to make a girl act really jumpy.
