Face it, pouty lips are tip of the iceberg
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Oh, the problems some people have. It’s not enough that they must endure the pain of collagen or Restylane injections to plump up their untrendily thin lips, but then they’ve got to get their front teeth lengthened to complement their new pillowy pouts.
It’s Einstein’s Theory of Relativity as applied to Angelina’s kisser.
Cosmetic dentists on both coasts are reporting that patients are asking for longer veneers, and some are having their bites changed to accommodate enhanced teeth, according to W magazine’s August issue. That procedure, FYI, can cost tens of thousands of dollars. That’s money that could be spent redoing a guest room in the Hamptons or buying Hermes beach towels.
Pity, if just for a moment, the ersatz beautiful people. Their burdens never end. Let’s say they’ve got new, bigger choppers to proportionally match their new, pneumatic lips. Hmmmmm . . . aren’t the eyes looking a little demure in comparison? One blepharoplasty later, the cheekbones fail to pass muster. Better schedule an implant. Need I mention the chin? And what’s the sense of having a great (though now huge) face, if your bust isn’t worthy?
This slippery slope of cosmetic enhancement is the adult version of the beloved children’s story “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”
“If you give a mouse a cookie,” it begins, “he’s going to ask for a glass of milk. When you give him the milk, he’s going to ask for a straw.” By the end, the rodent’s host is exhausted, and the plastic surgery junkie will probably be pretty tired, too, although she won’t look it.
By the time she’s done, her body will be like the Big Dig - nothing will be capable of holding it all up. But like the bus in “Speed,” it isn’t a good idea to hit the brakes. As one of the cosmetic dentists explained: If you let your lips return to normal size, your teeth are going to look too big.
Look, I’m no beauty expert, but maybe the thing to do is to forgo the lip-plumping and instead have your teeth filed down. Comparatively, your mouth will seem HUGE.
Brilliant, no? Though - wait - then your cheeks will look too plump, better plane them down. And your chin, too. That’s got to go. . .
