Paris lobbies for new role as mommy dearest
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Thursday, July 6, 2006
So Paris Hilton wants a baby. Or, to be more precise, Paris Hilton says she wants a baby. ‘‘I know in my heart of hearts I would be a great mother,” she gushed to the London Mirror. ‘‘I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel that I would have a lot to give to my children.”
And theoretically, at least, a tot won’t try to chew off your face, unlike a certain ex-pet kinkajoo.
I’ll resist the temptation to explain how child care is harder than toting a chihuahua in a L.A. Lakers jersey - kids are tricky to sneak into clubs, and are less accepting of narcissistic owners/parents - and instead examine whether Paris is experiencing true baby lust or is simply floating a trial balloon.
My guess is she’s putting the idea out there to see which way the celebrity winds are blowing, like a politician testing out a position on a tax increase. Will her agent be flooded with offers to option the ‘‘Paris has a baby” story to E? Now there’s a reality show worth seeing. ‘‘Projectile vomiting is so not hot.” Have freebies from high-end maternity designers begun arriving? How are the letters-to-the-editor running? Is ‘‘please God, don’t let her do it” outnumbering ‘‘What a beautiful mom she’ll make”?
Or perhaps Paris really does want a family. After all, she seems to have given the prospect of a lifelong commitment a lot of thought. ‘‘I wanna name them London and Paris and I was thinking China,” she said. Alas, she already knows a couple of Chinas, ‘‘so I don’t want that one now.”
Have you considered Wapping, dear?
Or perhaps the truth is somewhere in between. As a 25-year-old actress, Paris simply realized it was time for her to issue the obligatory Hollywood ‘‘I want a baby”’ statement and ‘‘I’m thinking of adopting.” Everyone else is doing it.
And the clock is ticking. Paris has said she doesn’t want to wait long to get started because she doesn’t want to be an ‘‘old mom.”
It’s hard to know who to pity more: any child she might eventually have, or the other mothers in her ‘‘Mommy and Me” group.
Though I must say, I do relish the prospect of Britney, Paris and Katie nibbling carbless cookies and swapping child-care tips. ‘‘Paris, honey, you can borrow Sean’s car seat for little Phuket. I hardly ever used it.”
