Mommy dirtiest, what were you thinking?
By Beth Teitell
Boston Herald Columnist
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Perhaps you’re familiar with the veteran maternity bestseller, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” For most of us, the answer is simple: a baby.
But for pregnant celebrities, baby love has a twin: publicity. Both during the “bump” phase, and, of course, when Guava or Thunderbolt Shoelace arrives, ready for his or her million-dollar close up (one shudders to think of the emotional damage done to celebrity newborns whose nursery candids fetch less than seven figures).
And no maternal publicity storm has been gustier than the one swirling around national whipping-mom Britney Spears, a one-woman “Parenting Don’t” who’s exceeding tabloid editors’ wildest dreams by being a bad mother and a bad mother-to-be at the same time. Note to readers: This doesn’t count as multitasking.
How can she top (bottom?) her Mommy Direst antics so far?
The gossip-hungry public would have been satisfied if Britney had merely driven with Sean Preston sitting on her lap, plopped him in a front-facing car seat, and nearly kissed the sidewalk while sashaying out of a New York club, a drink in one hand, baby in the other. As the famous Passover seder song says, “Dayenu!” (It would have been enough.)
But ever-generous with her lifestyle atrocities (and we’re not even counting exposed bra and thong straps), Britney not only colored her hair while pregnant, outraging the anti-exposing-the-fetus-to-chemical crowd, but had the stunning lack of judgment to appear on national TV without the help of a PR posse, a stylist, or anyone who could have prevented a fake eyelash from flying off during her pity party, in which she insisted to Matt Lauer: “I know I’m a good mom.”
But just when you thought her story had played itself out, at least for the moment, yesterday a picture of Harper’s Bazaar’s July cover appeared on the Internet, featuring-oh, you know it’s coming - a naked, pregnant and brunette Britney.
That’s right, she’s playing the Demi card - the only-in-America-folks stunt where “expecting” and “nekkid” and “cover photo” translate into “image boost.”
I don’t get it either - yes, the pregnant female form is beautiful, yadda, yadda, yadda - but on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar? And Britney?
I hope this scratches whatever PR itch she’s hoping to assuage with this. I’d hate to think that, six months from now, we’ll be dropping our collective jaws over some newer over-the-top hideousness and saying “remember when she posed naked and pregnant? Dayenu!”
