Intermittent explosions drive the rest of us crazy
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, June 7, 2006 - Updated: 12:52 AM EST
Great - one more thing to push you over the edge. You know that road-raging !@#$* who cut you off on the Pike this morning? It turns out his honking, tailgating, bird-flipping behavior is not his fault. He’s ‘‘suffering” from a freshly minted mental condition: Intermittent Explosive Disorder.
Reports note that the docs in charge of this oh-so-helpful-to-the-rest-of-us diagnosis were funded by no less an esteemed organization than the National Institutes of Mental Health.
So you know it has to be true.
Here’s a little something to remember the next time a hotheaded motorist pulls a nutty when he perceives some vehicular crime on your part. You’re not the victim, he is. Think of that as he kicks in the side of your car, or dashes off to get a baseball bat. Poor thing.
It won’t be long now before the IED community demands to be accommodated with designated parking spots (‘‘If we can’t be near the mall entrance, we can’t be responsible for what happens”) and, of course, highway lanes. Goodbye HOV, hello IED lane (motto: ‘‘Get out of my #$% way!”). I’d hate to be the cop patrolling that stretch of road. (Proof that you belong in the lane is in how you react when you’re pulled over to show documentation of your IED status. If a picture says a thousand words, a tantrum speaks volumes.)
If you’re hoping to score an IED car tag (should one ever be issued) here’s a definition of the disease: IED involves multiple outbursts that are way out of proportion to the situation and often include threats or aggressive actions and property damage. Thanksgiving dinner doesn’t count.
I myself don’t suffer from IED, but I do struggle with some other maladies-in-search-of-funding, among them:
Explosive Retail Attainment Syndrome. If I can’t have that Marc Jacobs bag for half off - and I mean half off the already marked down price - I’m gonna blow, people.
Chocolate Hystrionic Dysmorphic Plague. If I can’t eat Godiva all day long, there will be hell to pay.
Speaking of paying, Intermittent Explosive Disorder doesn’t come cheap. According to the study’s authors, the average number of lifetime attacks per person was 43, resulting in $1,359 in property damage per person. As many as 16 million Americans suffer from the problem. I don’t mean to be unsympathetic, but I really don’t want to see the gubernatorial candidates making campaign pledges to use taxpayer funds to reimburse them for their losses.
Because really, that would be enough to send me into a rage. And not an intermittent one.
