Fast-food chains bringing the trough to America
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Is it a bold blow for carb freedom, or just a way of saying, ‘‘Give it up, America - buy that extra seat on the plane”?
Either way, the new ads for absurdly fattening fast food are strangely refreshing. Enough already with the salads and apples for yogurt-dipping - America, embrace your inner pig. So KFC and Burger King, thanks for bringing out the Mashed Potato Bowl with Gravy (690 calories) and the Texas Double Whopper (about 1,000 calories), and just in time for bathing-suit season, too.
The mashed potato bowl is a carbalicious combo of potato, chicken, corn, three-cheese blend and, of course, gravy. Can’t have cheese without gravy. And the best part? No, not the 4.5 grams of trans fat, but the fact that your whole meal comes in one handy bowl, trough-style. ‘‘Why a bowl?” I asked KFC spokeswoman Laurie Schalow. ‘‘Can Americans no longer handle a plate?”
She allowed herself a small chuckle. ‘‘What we hear from consumers is that this makes for a very portable meal, whether people are sitting at their desks typing or running out to watch their kids’ soccer games. You can hold it in one hand and eat it with a spork with the second hand - or a foon, as some people call it.”
Why not pack it all in a feedbag, to leave your hands completely out of the picture?
‘‘Can you drive while scarfing?” I wanted to know.
‘‘Of course we don’t encourage that behavior,” she said, ‘‘but a passenger in the car could.”
But eating while driving is the American way! In fact, our ideal commute would look something like this: You’re wolfing some beef-fried-dough-cheese-sugar treat with your right hand, using a cellphone with your left, or maybe fiddling with the DVD player, all the while letting the nail polish dry on your toes while your knees steer the Hummer.
Schalow balked at my idea of DWE, so I ran a second idea by her: using the hand not involved with the mashed potato bowl to shovel in a slice of pizza. ‘‘I’m not sure of the connection,” she said, ‘‘the point is you can eat it easily while doing something else with your other hand.” Yes, like I said. Eating a pizza. You know, multitasking.
Schalow seemed like a reasonable woman, so I dared to mention the ‘‘O” word - obesity - but she assured me that KFC’s strategy is all about ‘‘balance” and, in fact, pointed me to the ‘‘Keep It Balanced” pull-down bar on the Web site. There I learned the importance of mixing together ‘‘daily activity” - like doing spork lifts - ‘‘a sensible diet and a little fun.”
Speaking of fun, what’s more fun than the Texas Double Whopper? It’s part of their ‘‘I’m a man, hear me roar, gimme meat” campaign. As you can imagine I was eager to discuss Burger King’s philosophy on eating and driving, but alas, by press time no one had called me back. So here’s my advice:
Wrap one hand around the Double Whopper and use your other - or a free foot - to drive yourself over to the Cineplex. I hear they’ve made a movie of ‘‘Fast Food Nation.”
