Driving a hard bargain - what a gas
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Like most Americans, I’m eager to conserve gasoline. Just as long as I don’t have to change my driving habits.
In fact, I’m so committed to reducing pollution and dependence on foreign oil that on Monday afternoon I revved up my SUV (mid-sized, because I care deeply about my “carbon footprint”), sped to my favorite coffee shop a few towns away, ordered a shade-tree, free trade latte and fired up my wireless Internet.
The link to “Thirty Gas Saving Tips” alone sounded so promising that I pulled out my cell and, ignoring glares from other cafe-goers, called my husband to suggest - loudly - that we buy an even larger vehicle. I envisioned a break-even future.
Alas, the fuel-saving advice was not what you’d call “practical.”
Here are some verbatim quotes, I kid you not: “Never exceed legal speed limit.” “Avoid tailgating.” “Remove excess weight from trunk or inside of car - extra tires, back seats, unnecessary heavy parts.” “Combine short errands into one trip.”
And here’s my favorite: “Car pools reduce travel monotony and gas expense - all riders chip in to help you buy. Conversation helps to keep the driver alert.” Of course you’re alert - you’re thinking about strangling Mitzi from accounting in the back seat who won’t keep her mouth shut.
Sorry. If I sound grouchy it’s because I’m tired. I woke up super early, after I read that I should buy gasoline during the coolest time of day because it’s densest then and gas pumps measure volumes of gasoline, not densities of fuel concentration. On the positive side, I definitely think I saved some money (a dime, at least), and, being hours early for work, I treated myself to a nice sightseeing drive.
“Why are you on the road at this hour?” a friend asked when I called her to kill some time. “Because I’m saving money,” I said.
She laughed derisively. Turns out she’d done the math on this gas-saving scheme, and the billable hours she’d lose if she was spending time on vehicle maintenance to squeeze every extra mile out of her tank, or, heaven forbid, waiting for the T or her carpool driver to arrive, would actually cost her money.
She was right, but that wasn’t the point. Like blandly supporting a cause with a colored ribbon, hey-look-at-me gas conservation isn’t supposed to actually accomplish anything.
It’s to make us Hummeristas feel better about ourselves. Because if Americans are glum about conspicuous consumption - then the terrorists have won.
