Sleeping pill’s side effects could cause rude awakening
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Unless you’ve spent the last 24 hours snoozing, you’ve probably heard the big news: Ambien, the sleeping pill, seems to “unlock a primitive desire to eat in some patients.” It’s even been linked to “unconscious food forays” that cause these hapless souls to wolf down thousands of calories in the wee hours, and wake with no recollection of the binge - and mysteriously snug pajamas.
Patients find food littering their beds in the morning. Leftovers are missing from the refrigerator, and the kitchen’s a mess. Inexplicably, their mouths taste of peanut butter. They sometimes accuse family members of stealing goodies or burning pots and pans.
Hmmm. Could it be? Could someone be slipping Ambien into my food? It sure would explain away some of the wardrobe and housekeeping problems I’ve been suffering lately. And to think I used to doubt the athletes who claimed they’d unwittingly ingested performance-enhancing drugs.
I know that Patients Eating Under the Influence, one of whom gained 100 pounds, aren’t happy about their nocturnal nibbling, but can you think of a better excuse at Weight Watchers: the Ambien made me do it. And you can tell the real victims from the posers: they’re the ones who are well-rested, but chubby.
And Ambinging isn’t the only alleged side effect. There are reports of people holding entire conversations while they sleep, adding Ambi-talking to drunk dialing and drunk-Berrying to the list of roadkill in Progress’ wake.
It should be pointed out that the complications mentioned in the news stories are said to be rare, but even so, Ambien’s the most-prescribed sleeping pill in the country, so the way I figure it, this could explain a lot of the behavior you see on the Southeast Expressway - and on the telephone. Some of the people who call me sound so loopy I only hope they’re sleeping. (I’m thinking in particular of the stranger who called last week demanding to know who I was - he’d called me - and asking why someone in my house had called him and hung up. Maybe those little grunting sounds he made were actually snores.)
Needless to say, a class-action lawsuit against Ambien’s maker, Sanofi-Aventis, already has been filed in federal court, with some plaintiffs facing criminal charges for things they have done while they say they were sleepwalking on Ambien, including driving and shoplifting. I wonder if Winona Ryder can be grandfathered into the suit?
Not to make light of any suffering these victims allegedly endured, but I see the glass as half-full (I must have poured it while asleep). Finally, we have a Twinkie Defense for the new millennia: Hello, Ambien Alibi.
