Living longer doesn’t mean you’ll be living large
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - Updated: Feb 23, 2006 09:18 AM EST
I’ve got good news and bad news. It turns out that anti-aging “advances” could raise life expectancy by one year each year over the next two decades. Sounds great, right? Not if you do the math, which some Stanford University biologist did.
It turns out if we don’t raise the retirement age to 85, we’re going to put a major strain on worldwide economies. Actually, I don’t give a hoot about worldwide economies. (I haven’t gotten so much as a birthday card from them, so fair’s fair.) But working until I’m 85? All I can say is skin care better improve by then, or putting on my face before showing up at the office is going to take a verrry long time.
“Do I have to keep contributing to my 401(k)?” a 40-year-old friend asked when I broke the news. I’d called her at work, and toward the end of our conversation she was making plans to duck out early. “If I’m going to have to work until I’m 85, I’m going to start pacing myself.”
“I’m sure your boss will be delighted,” I said, although I could see her point about the pension. Why save for retirement? Better they should rename it a 401(H) - for “holiday” fund, because think how much vacation time you’ll accrue, especially if you work for a company that lets you carry over unused time from one year to the next.
On the positive side, having older workers in the office would do a world of good for the middle-aged folks. Nothing to make you feel like a kid again at 45 when an octogenarian’s sitting in the cubicle next to you. Although, who knows what morale would be like. “The people in their 40s are cranky enough,” my friend said, “I can’t even imagine the 85-year-olds.”
Well, at least by that time you’ll probably have mastered the tricky social side of the office - what to write on the group card, how to sneak candy from your co-worker’s dish without having to make small talk, which dollar bills are likely to work in the vending machine.
You know, maybe it won’t be so bad. “I almost feel sorry for today’s retirees,” I told my friend. “Think of all they’re missing.”
But she had no pity. In fact, she was already building up a good head of resentment. “They’re playing the nickel slots at Foxwoods and doting on the grandkids,” she said, “and when I’m their age I’ll still be punching a time clock. I foresee a backlash.”
She doesn’t just “foresee” one, she’ll be leading it. “I for one have no plans to give up my seat on the T to an oldster. They got all day to sit - I’m on my way to work, as I will be for a long, long time.”
Well, at least she has “Take Your Great-Granddaughter to Work Day” to look forward to.
