Competition fierce for spot on Olympic gossip podium
By Beth Teitell
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or what, but training for the Olympics has been a killer this time around. You didn’t know I was competing? True, the International Olympic Committee’s never heard of me, but I’m in the Games all the same.
OK, not in Turin, or Torino, or Turino - can we get a ruling on that? - but right here at home, and at my office, and at any social gathering I happen to attend, where the competitive sport of one-upmanship will be in full swing.
In the Armchair Olympics, points are awarded not for athletic prowess, but rather for knowledge of athletic prowess - and sob stories, doping accusations and inter-athlete romances. The mental muscle required to bemoan the change in the figure skating scoring system; the taut gossip sinews necessary to immerse oneself in the scandal plaguing the skeleton team; the reflex training that goes into dissecting Hannah Teter’s reluctance to market herself, these are what make a true champion. They also make someone who can go to a cocktail party and be truly insufferable.
Sure, the “athletes” in Italy get all the glory, but who has it harder: the people who get to drop the tedious chores of everyday life to chase their dream, or those who must continue with the daily domestic minutiae while watching others pursue a dream - and making sure we know more about it than our friends and colleagues?
You think I wanted to listen to a podcast about which country’s hockey team can give Canada a run for its money on the way home from work? You’ll believe me when I say I did not, but still I did it, out of dedication to my “sport”: showing off.
As you can imagine, I have already been throwing around some very impressive terms whenever I could. And yet, not everyone was impressed. In fact, one of my friends told me he was “opting out” of the Olympics. “I’m going to pretend it’s not going on at all,” he said. “I don’t have time to watch.”
Hey, me neither. But I’ve got endorsement deals to consider, although to be honest I’m not hoping for much. “Because you’re not competing?” my friend asked.
It’s exactly that attitude that keeps me off the Wheaties box.
