Sandwich boards become sign of the times
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, December 6, 2005

It was only a matter of time. In November, after an Oklahoma mother grabbed headlines by forcing her sassy teen to take to the streets wearing a sign proclaiming "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food," I figured it was the tip of the iceberg. Surely, Oklahoma Mom wasn't the only frustrated parent with access to poster board.

And lo and behold, yesterday's news spotlighted a Salt Lake City mother and grandma. Fed up with Junior's attitude, they packed him off to a busy street with a red sign hanging around his neck: "I don't think I have to go to school. I want to earn my living on the corner when I grow up."

Well, ho, ho, ho. There's nothing that says "family togetherness during the holiday season" like humiliating troubled children. Yes, I know parents of teens are often at the end of their rope, but if this trend keeps up, the sidewalks will be so crowded you'll need to get your name on a waiting list when your kid's 10, just to make sure you've got a spot of cement when you need it. Personally, I'm against shaming children.

Adults, however, are a different story.

Let's make the sandwich board the new Scarlet Letter. "What do you think?" I asked my editor.

Her face lighted up - a little too brightly - as she imagined me out on the corner of Herald Square, an "I always blow deadline" message emblazoned across my chest. "I like it!" she said, hunting around for oak tag and string.

I beat it out of her office before she could get out the markers, but one of my colleagues had overheard us and was equally enthusiastic about the concept. She'd taken her young daughters shoe shopping over the weekend and encountered a very abrupt and rude saleswoman. "She should stand in front of the Burlington Mall with a sign reading `It's that time of the month,' " she suggested.

At a time when Internet searches make it easy to unearthanyone's background, what we need is some real-time behavior-improvement techniques. A serial dater could be forced to stand in front of a singles bar with a sign proclaiming his MO. "I seem really sincere for the first few weeks, then I pull back," it might read.

The sandwich-boardmethod could also serve as a diet aid. Enduring a weigh-in in front of the Weight Watchers lady or your doctor's nurse is one thing, standing in Downtown Crossing with a sign stating "I wolfed down a bag of Chips Ahoy in the Shaw's parking lot" is quite another.

Well, gotta go. If you need me, look on the corner. I'll be the one with the sign.