Guests not always eager to gobble up host’s offerings
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
When is an offer to contribute a side dish (or even a turkey) to Thanksgiving at your in-laws not quite the generous gesture it seems?
I’ll tell you when, or better yet, I’ll let my friend Eve fill you in: ”Nice has nothing to do with it.”
Turns out she hates her sister-in-law’s ”bland” stuffing (and making a turkey, she feels, provides cover for the stuffing). And as for the pie, her sister-in-law doesn’t make one, so if Eve doesn’t bring her own, she’ll have to go without. ”It’s a holiday. I want to eat what I like,” she explained.
Think of it as feasting defensively. With Americans getting ever pickier about their diets (not that you’d know it to look at us), and Thanksgiving a meal that inspires strong preferences, one has to wonder if those guests begging, ”Oh, let me bring something, I don’t want you to do all the work” are really concerned about their overburdened hosts.
Judging from my informal poll, I’d say the more over-the-top the offer, the greater the ulterior motive. Consider a gourmet couple I know who offered - no, insisted - to cook the entire meal for their ”hosts.”
My friend and his wife brought over all the ingredients and made a delicious meal, which was not at all appreciated. ”The response to our feast was a very huffy, ’Well, next year let’s have our traditional Thanksgiving instead.’ ”
As for the wine, for one of my friends it’s strictly BYOB. ”I’m not having Two-Buck Chuck on Thanksgiving,” he said, referring to Trader Joe’s cheapo wine. Under the guise of generosity, he brings a really nice bottle, ”and I make sure it’s opened instantly,” he said. ”I want to be really clear - in a subtle way - that this is not a gift.”
Let’s see: Bringing your own preferred food and drink, cooking your own meal in someone else’s kitchen, what’s next?
Will it become commonplace to bring your own favorite table setting to the distant communal meal? Actually, I’m hoping someone sets the precedent on that one. I have a wonderful set of autumnal-themed plates I’m dying to use. At someone else’s house.
