When disaster strikes, celebs are ready for their close-up
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, September 29, 2005

Pity, if just for a moment, America's celebrities. You think it's easy to snatch popularity from the jaws of disaster?

As actor/statesman Sean Penn learned after his rescue boat sprung a leak in New Orleans, delighting sarcastic bloggers everywhere, lackluster FEMA officials and state and local leaders aren't the only ones on the hot seat in the wake of hurricanes Katrina and Rita.

Personally? I thought it was pretty nice of John Travolta to fly a planeload of tetanus shots down to Louisiana for emergency workers - it almost made me forget ``Battlefield Earth'' for a moment - but a friend took a less benign view. ``He's an aviation nut. He just wanted to fly his own plane. There was no pilot available?'' Yeah, but . . . ``To his credit, he got a plane packed with stuff down there,'' he agreed. ``But I think other people donated it. You could look it up.''

I could, but why? In times of national emergency such as these, it's the rumors that count. And generosity, or at least the perception of it. ``When Celine Dion gave a million dollars, that seemed really nice - at first,'' another observer told me. ``But now Oprah's given $10 million, I'm wondering why Celine didn't give more.''

And how about reality TV stars? How much are they expected to cough up? Is ``Apprentice'' contestant Omarosa's $10,000 enough? How much have ``Survivor'' and ``Amazing Race'' duo Rob and Amber given? Richard Hatch? (Note to Richard: It's tax deductible.)

As the needs continue to mount for hurricane victims, one has to wonder about the cellphone chats between Hollywood agents and their B-list clients.

``OK, we've got you a spot on the `Today Show' hammering in a nail for one of those Habitat for Humanity houses they're building outside the NBC studio, we're looking into your family tree to see if any distant relatives lived anywhere along the Gulf Coast, we're going to find a phone bank somewhere for you to man. Do you have any awards show gowns we can auction off?''

The hurricanes have taken the place of ``The Love Boat'' as a chance for ``resting'' celebs to grab some airtime. Didn't get the guest spot on ``Law & Order''? Get yourself a boat, hug the recently displaced, grab a stylist - and don't forget to smile (or cry) for the cameras.

It can't be too long before Rockefeller Plaza is renamed ``Mall for Humanity,'' and Joan Rivers gets a perch on the tarp carpet. ``Who are you wearing?'' she'll ask a hammer-wielding celeb. ``You look terrific.''

``Timberland.''