Addicts say all shows are must-see TV
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I know the public health honchos don't generally encourage hours and hours of TV viewing, but hey, what's a touch of obesity compared with the mood enhancement the boob tube provides?

``My life gets fuller, richer, in the fall,'' one viewer told me, more cheerful than I'd seen her in months. ``I have so much more to talk about now.''

Yes, she's a wonderful conversationalist, exactly the kind of guest you'd want at your next cocktail party, if she would attend, that is. ``I'm no longer going out,'' she said, tossing an invite to a hot party. ``Yeah, right,'' she snorted, ``as if I'm going to miss the first night of `Lost.' '' She now socializes during the day, pre-prime-time, except when ``Oprah'' is on, or during commercials, when she and her friends exchange hasty opinions about the onscreen action.

TV, she added, ``gives me a reason to live.'' In fact, although she's in perfect health (well, physically, at least), she actually told me that after the season finale of ``Lost'' last spring, she worried about dying over the summer. ``I wouldn't find out what happens,'' she said.

``That's sick,'' an eavesdropping friend kibitzed. And yet, she, too, couldn't really cast any stones. ``I'm never going to get to watch `My Name is Earl,' '' she said, despondent. ``It's on when I'm putting my daughter to bed. And she won't let me get out of her room without reading at least three books. If only I could get her to brush her teeth by remote control.''

I expected her anti-nurturing stance to be derided by the group that had now gathered to wallow in their addiction, but no.

I'm not sure when it happened, or which publicist or celebrity rag is responsible for the shift, but somehow TV's lost its rep as a time waster. Two of the people I interviewed expressed actual shame over not watching ``enough'' television.

``I'm such a loser,'' one woman said. ``The only thing I watch is `Law & Order.' ''

``Don't use my name,'' added a guy who has never seen a reality show.

``I won't,'' I promised, thinking about my own problems. My husband recently signed us up for Netflix, and now I'm spending my evenings watching foreign films and documentaries when I should be glued to``Desperate Housewives'' and ``Nip/Tuck.''

``You just signed up for Netflix???'' one of the full-throttle TV watchers shouted. ``You're not going to have time for `Lost' or anything.'' She threatened to stage an intervention. ``I'm going to steal the DVDs out of your box,'' she said. ``I don't care if it's a federal crime. It's for your own good.''

Do they have cable in prison?