Needy should get ready for their close-up
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, September 13, 2005

At this point in the disaster news cycle, even the most casual newspaper reader or TV viewer can recite the litany of ``lessons of Katrina'': Maintaining the integrity of natural ecosystems should be a priority; we need better coordination between local and state governments and strong leadership from the top; cities should not be built beneath sea level. And so on.

Those are all good, but there's another moral to this story, and no one's talking about it. To wit, if you're needy, and you'd like a little assistance, make sure your problems are CNN-ready. Sorry, bud, but don't expect any one-hour commercial-free star-studded fund-raiser (such as ``Shelter from the Storm'') or a consoling hug from President Bush himself if you insist on doing your suffering in, let's be frank, an untelegenic way.

While the country's generosity toward the hurricane victims has been terrific - by the weekend almost $740 million had been raised - it would be fantastic if we could also be motivated to open our hearts and wallets, on a regular basis, for those unable to score an interview with Katie Couric.

Which is why I'd like to make a suggestion: Let's scrap the embattled FEMA (and I'm sure I'm not alone there) and create a new agency, FEPRA.

The purpose of the Federal Emergency Public Relations Agency would be to ensure that those without health care or adequate nutrition or educational opportunities would get the media attention needed to spark donations or spur congressional inquiries. I'm sure Sean Penn would like to be in charge.

Each week a team of volunteers - Publicists Without Borders - would be dispatched to create a campaign aimed at capturing the attention from hotshots such as Donald Rumsfeld, Julia Roberts, Michael Jackson, etc. Songs would be written. Officials would be briefed. T-shirts would be sold.

The needy could be helped well before they happen to lose their home to a hurricane, earthquake or foreclosure. Yes, people can rebuild their lives, if they've still got them, after a major catastrophe. Barbara Bush famously noted after touring the Houston Astrodome, ``So many of the people here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.'' And all it took was a Category 4 hurricane.

The idea for a publicists corps came to me this morning, after I got a press release from the Hampshire House announcing the following change: ``In response to the disastrous hurricane Katrina, the `Last Sip of Summer' event will donate its proceeds to the American Red Cross in lieu of the Cheers for Children Charities.''

The nice part about tomorrow night's event, of course, is that it will raise money for hurricane victims. The ``unfortunate'' part, according to Theresa Kolberg, the assistant to the owner of the Hampshire House, is that the money won't go to both groups (although the proceeds from the Cheers for Children Holiday Auction will go to the regular beneficiaries of the Cheers for Children Charities).

So as we continue to give to Katrina victims, and we should, let's remember there are plenty of others who also need help. It's hard enough to be down and out without also having to convince Amazon.com to put your cause on its Web site.