Keg-sales surveillance could expose other secrets
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, September 8, 2005

Maybe I've turned into a fuddy duddy - ``maybe?'' a friend said - but I think requiring liquor stores to report keg purchases to the police is a smart idea. This move is an attempt to allow the police to monitor parties that might get out of hand. At first thought, I gave it a thumbs-up.

But then I considered the slippery slope. Today, kegs of beer, tomorrow, pints of ice cream.

I can picture the scene: Alone at last, having just dropped off my children at school, I whip over to the store and buy some Ben & Jerry's. The clerk rings up my purchase, and I return to the privacy of my car and tuck into my splurge.

That's when Big Brother gets off the couch.

A call goes in to the cops, or possibly a nutritionist, and a Cherry Garcia alert is activated. ``She's pulled onto Mass. Ave., heading towards Cambridge and she's licking the inside of the lid and talking on her cellphone.'' I'd be so caught up in my bad little snack that it would be blocks before I'd even notice the flashing lights behind me.

I'd be charged with driving under the influence of fat and sugar, and my insurance rates would skyrocket.

Or maybe the surveillance web would spread out while I'm surfing the Internet, grooving on the Pottery Barn Web site, about to click myself a new dining room table and chairs. My phone would ring and the fiscal FirstAlert folks would be on the other end, checking in. ``Ma'am,'' the monitor would say, ``step away from the keyboard and place the credit card on the floor in front of you. We're sending over an officer to retrieve it, for everyone's safety.''

I'm not the only nonbeer-guzzling adult who's worried about the precedent that would be set if the Boston Licensing Board approves the measure, as it's expected to. A friend is concerned that her own substance-abuse situation would be monitored. ``I don't want anyone but my doctor knowing how much Botox I use,'' she said. ``I don't need the nurse calling my husband, or even my best friend, to report that I've entered the waiting room.''

In fact, everyone I spoke to seemed to have some purchase they wanted kept secret: designer jeans, purses, kitten heels.

Sure, clamp down on drinking and driving, or drinking and rioting, but as for the rest - what happens at Saks stays at Saks.