Color bind: Return of black a dreary prospect
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, September 7, 2005

The party's over. The fashion magazines are announcing the bad news, although of course the editors don't perceive it that way. ``Black is back!'' the headlines cheer. And not just back, but back with a ``vengeance,'' as the Washington Post put it.

I know I shouldn't say this now that black's swaggered back into town, but you know what? - I've grown to like color. In fact, I prefer a shade of anything to black. I admit, I didn't at first. Conde Nast issued a noir fatwa a few years ago, declaring pink the new black, or maybe it was green. I don't remember anything from that time. I was in shock.

We're supposed to wear color? Near our faces? On our hips? I was as scared as anyone. I was afraid I'd look dumpy, in a midwestern Jello-salad-making way. But we fashion slaves have little choice, so there I was, buying a red sweater, light blue pants, a bright pink and coral checked coat. I jumped the rainbow.

But after a while I realized that I felt good in all that color. Upbeat. Cheerful. Black, I came to see, was not so flattering after all. In fact, to me, it no longer said ``cool,'' but rather, ``no imagination'' or ``I ate too many Oreos.''

But now that I've seen the light - and invested a small fortune in fuchsia - black has announced its return. Heh, heh, heh. That's the sound of black laughing at us, from the secure, undisclosed location where it's been biding its time, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Not that it ever lost its base - the Goths, widows, morticians, beat poets. It always had them locked up anyway. You can bet their industry publications aren't reporting black's return.

But now that it's hit the mainstream again, the question is how to handle it? My most fashion-forward friend advised me to hold out as long as I can. ``I'm going to bide my time with black,'' she said, predicting that by next year fashion is going to get really minimal (read bleak). ``There won't be embroidery or anything to lighten the black,'' she added. ``So go slowly into that dark night.''

And bring some road flares so we can see you.