Robot pals take first step toward world domination
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Isn't it always the way? Society gets its undies in a bunch about something, while a larger threat looms in the distance, with nary a fear-mongering feature on Fox.

Case in point: a humanoid robot that's poised to hit the market in Japan next month. And you thought human cloning was the problem.

Oh, sure, the child-sized Wakamaru sounds benign. What's not to like about a bright yellow robot with a silly round head that recognizes 10,000 words and house-sits while you're away?

I'll tell you what's not to like. With their ability to recognize faces and get helpful information for family members, these robots won't be just as good as humans - they'll be better.

``Do they date?'' a single friend asked when I told her the robots can actually talk to people - and probably even pretend to listen.

OK, so they're not great conversationalists. But compared with the emotional baggage my friend has put up with, she said, a little dullness would be fine. ``I've gone out with guys who I thought were robots,'' she said. ``At least this time I'd know for sure.''

In Tokyo, where the first robots will be sold (for about $14,300), the idea is for the robots to provide companionship for the elderly, according to Wired Magazine.

Yeah, that's right. At the reading of the will, you can bet Wakamaru will be lined up to get his cut of gramp's fortune, elbowing aside the relatives who were so noticeably absent while robo-pal was sweetly reminding the dear old man to take his medicine.

When linked to a cellphone, Wakamaru can monitor home situations, such as a burglary or a sudden illness, according to its maker, Mitsubishi-Heavy Industries Ltd. Well, that's the PR version at least.

One can only imagine what these 3-foot-tall geniuses will be up to when no one's around. When your identity is stolen, the TiVo reprogrammed and your computer hacked beyond belief, you can bet it won't be an outside job.

And that's not the worst of it. ``This is step one of them taking over the world,'' a paranoid-but-often-right friend predicted. ``They've already made us dependent on cellphones and iPods and pretty soon they'll have us down in the basement and they'll be slipping slices of cheese under the door while we beg to be released,'' she said.

``They're not that bad,'' I said.

``Don't come crying to me,'' she said, walking away.

Meanwhile, the way Mitsubishi-Heavy Industries Ltd sees it, ``This is the opening of an era in which human beings and robots can coexist.''

This is an exciting time to be sure. In fact, I think I'll get one of those robots myself. I'll call him HAL.