Next time you hear `thank you,' don't let them get away with it
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, August 18, 2005

Have you noticed something about the words ``thank you''? They've done a Lindsay Lohan. They've turned nasty.

``Thank you'' is no longer an expression of gratitude. It's a threat.

Thank you for doing exactly what I want, and no one gets hurt.

Look around, you'll see what I mean. The signs are everywhere. Literally. Sometimes ``thank you'' means ``Don't even think about it,'' as in ``Thank you for not smoking.''

Other times, it ups the hardball ante, hinting that action will be taken if you don't toe the line. ``Illegally parked cars will be towed. Thank you.'' ``Shoplifting is a crime. Thank you.'' ``No food or drink allowed. Thank you.''

At my doctor's office, a sign near the check-in station reads: ``Sorry, we don't validate parking. Thank you.''

For what? Not attacking the sweet woman behind the desk when you fly into a fit of exorbitant-garage-fee rage after the doctor sees you 95 minutes late?

Thank you has gotten so tough that it no longer waits for you to do the action for which you're allegedly being thanked. It's presumptive. ``Thank you for turning off your cellphone.'' ``Thank you for limiting your time on exercise equipment to 15 minutes if another member is waiting.''

Thank you for not making me break your kneecaps for disobeying the rules.

``I see `thank you' in a different light,'' a friend said when I told her my theory. ``It's not strong. It's whimpy. Passive-aggressive. Afraid to say what it really means. It's a version of the `May I help you?' uttered by the snooty boutique clerk. What she really means is, `May I help you leave the store?' but she can't say it that way.''

``Thank you for not disagreeing with me,'' I said, hoping to put the conversation to an end.

``No,'' she replied, ``thank you.''

There's a third kind of new ``thank you.'' The ``we're just pointing out how nice we're being so you'll behave'' thank you.

An excellent example of which can be found on a sign outside a new loft building in the South End. ``Thank you for enjoying the landscape,'' it reads. ``Please curb your pets.''

On that note, I think I'll go out and buy some thank-you notes. Meanwhile, thank you for enjoying this column and telling others about it.