Rage against the machine
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I was halfway through my workout, and, feeling a bit weak, decided a bag of M & M's would give me the boost I needed to face the stair-climbing machine.

Making sure the yoga skinnies weren't looking, I darted to the vending machine and was poised to punch C7 when I noticed a pious little sticker near the coin slot:

``Burn it off!'' it read. ``Don't forget to exercise.''

``What do you think I am doing?'' I snarled. ``Look at my hair.''

As if I don't already feel humiliated enough walking through my gym stuffing candy in my mouth, now I'm being nagged by a machine.

``Nudge,'' I said, storming away empty handed.

The sad part is that that machine's not alone. It's part of an organized campaign of shame being pushed by a vending industry desperate not to be the scapegoat for the country's rising obesity rates.

So far there's no smoking nut proving the vending industry has known all along that its offerings make people fat, but even so, it's taking no chances.

Earlier this year it started ``partnering'' with educators and parents to help children make healthy choices, and in California it even introduced a resolution calling for 50 percent of all school vending products to meet strict nutritional guidelines.

But here's the scary part. The industry's not just bothering kids. It's going after adults, too. The stickers started appearing about a year ago. Coming soon: ``snack smart'' brochures displayed on vending machines.

I can't even imagine how unbearable my office machine will be then. Even with a simple sticker it cops an attitude.

You try to buy a bag of trans-fat chip cookies to get you through deadline, and you're faced with a sticker urging you to make ``balanced choices.'' Choose snacks with a picture of a little leaf next to them, the sticker tells me, and ``taste the possibilities.''

Yeah, well what about the possibility that I tilt you? Then we'll talk about balance.

You know what really bugs me? I don't think any of these little messages will work. If the National Automatic Merchandising Association and various vending companies really wanted to help us make better choices they'd mount mirrors that provided would-be snackers with a rear view of themselves - with computer-enhanced graphics showing how you'll look post-Milky Way.

Or they'd put a scale - a talking one - right in front of the machine, making it impossible to buy anything (even the dry-roasted, unsalted mixed nuts) without having your weight yelled across your office or gym.

Then again, when you need M & M's to give you the strength to burn them off, as I did the other day, you'll do what you have to. Even if it means hiring a designated snacker to make your purchase for you.