A Jacksons TV reality show? You must be wacko
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, June 16, 2005 - Updated: 10:23 AM EST

Haven't Michael Jackson's victims suffered enough? And by victims, I mean us, the TV-watching public.

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on your set again, comes word that the Jackson family is shopping a reality series.

That's right. A reality series based on Neverland, though ``reality'' and ``Neverland'' seem poles apart.

I'll tell you one thing, unless the cameras follow Jackson into his dermatologist's office - actually, even then - count me out.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the six-episode series will show how Michael's kin rallied around him during his legal crisis and focus on the family's efforts to rehabilitate their public image. Though I don't want to be the spoilsport to stop this train wreck, I have to wonder how a reality series could possibly spruce up the image of the weirdest people on the planet.

Oh, did I mention the Jacksons were shopping the show before he was even acquitted?

``The show's probably why they stood by him in court,'' one cynic told me. ``I thought they'd force him to do a bad Jackson Five reunion show, but this is almost worse. They're probably like `You owe us.' ''

It's not publicly known which family members will participate, but if the series is going to stand a chance, it better be some of the big ones. Because as one hard-core reality-TV fan said: ``I'm not watching Marlon and Randy. I'd watch LaToya because she's crazy. I'd watch the father, because I think he's mean and crazy.''

Sources told the Hollywood Reporter the project has been shopped around to TV outlets and that the pitch suggests the family has at least some footage of their activities during the trial. Like what? ``OK, LaToya, you carry the umbrella today. Tito, make sure Michael's wearing real pants when he leaves the house.'' I guess the only question now is what to call it. ``All My Dysfunctional Children?''

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish Jackson would take a lesson from Paris Hilton and announce he's retiring from public life.

As for me, I'm going to retire from watching reality shows. Or, as I think of them, book deals for the talentless.