Bar-code bracelets one giant beep for patient-kind
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, March 17, 2005

And you thought hospital johnnies were bad? Check out this news: Brigham and Women's Hospital has started putting bar codes on patients' wristbands.
     Yes, it's for a really good reason - to reduce medical errors - but that won't mean you'll feel less like a piece of meat as you're lying in bed, a giant supermarket-style plastic bar separating you from the patient in the bed next to you, a rack of candy and cheesy women's magazines by your bedside, tempting visitors as they await their turn to chat with you.
     And when it's time to check out and pay the bill? A nurse will hold you aloft, calling for a ``price check.''
     No sooner had the news of the bar codes hit - and Martha Stewart thinks she has it bad? - than the inevitable ``where will it lead?'' questions began.
     ``Will we start wearing nutritional labels or price tags?'' one jokester asked. Uh, we already do. It's called Prada. Or Kmart.
     ``My big fear,'' one hypochondriac told me, ``is that the bar code won't just be an aide for ensuring you get the proper medication, but will be used to collect information on you. Information that will be used against you.''
     She imagined what would be in her chart: ``Difficult patient. Real jerk on the phone. Makes a big deal out of everything.''
     ``I'll be marked like Elaine on Seinfeld,'' she said.
     Maybe, but on the positive side, the info could be used to issue you double coupons for procedures you like, a la the frequent-user Botox cards some plastic surgeons already are handing out.
     And besides, as Americans, we've already turned ourselves into products, endlessly positioning and repackaging ourselves. Why, just yesterday I rolled out a lemon-scented version of myself. I think it will be huge in the rural South.
     I'm as shocked about the bar codes as the next eager-to-be-shocked person, but if you ask me, there's something even scarier than some computerized lines: The ``best if used by'' date. That's one number I don't want to see on me.

Beth Teitell's book, ``From Here to Maternity: The Education of a Rookie Mom,'' will be published at the end of March.