Most women March to a different Madness
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I'm including a transcript of the following conversation not to mock my friend, but to console others who also are not as up on current events as they might be.
     ``So,'' I said, by way of small talk, ``March Madness is about to start.''
     ``March Madness,'' she repeated. ``What does that mean? Is it something sporty?''
     Uh, yeah.
     ``Professional?''
     No, college.
     ``But there are car sales linked to it?''
     Duh. This is America. Something's not anything unless sales are associated with it.
     ``Why is it madness?'' she asked. ``I thought you said it was just a tournament. They don't call the World Series `October Mayhem.' Football's big day isn't the `Super Crazed.'
     ``I'm baffled,'' she said, ``and a little ticked off. One just has to say `March Madness' like a damn secret code, and everyone but me is clued in. It must be like guys watching feminine hygiene commercials and having no idea what they mean by `special freshness.' ''
     Yeah. I was beginning to see her point. What about a March Madness for the rest of us?
     For me, March Madness is trying to transition my wardrobe from winter to spring. I've been too depressed to shop for new clothes, but I know that even if I had shopped, I wouldn't be able to wear what I'd bought for months.
     And then there are the dry cleaning issues.
     ``I have so many shirts missing,'' said my friend, the March Madness ignoramus, ``that at this point in the season I no longer have a top wardrobe.''
     Her husband's had the dry cleaning in the trunk of his car for two weeks, and she knows he probably won't drop it off for another two weeks.
     ``That's March Madness,'' she said.
     She's right - especially since the sales tie-ins are a natural.