McDonald's new exercise kick gives credibility a real workout
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, March 10, 2005

I was lazing around yesterday, postponing exercise, when I asked myself: What Would McDonald's Want Me To Do?
     And with that, I headed for the gym, McDonald's new, pro-physical activity campaign running through my head, ``It's what I eat and what I do . . . I'm lovin' it.''
     Yes, it could be pointed out that McDonald's slogan has the smarmy ``I love me'' feel usually associated with ``feminine care'' products or adult diapers, or that McDonald's campaign is an attempt to deflect attention from the real problem (i.e., its fat-laden food), but let others be critical.
     Actually, let me. I don't want McDonald's getting on its high horse. I already can see where it will lead. You know how annoying and sanctimonious people who have ``found exercise'' can be? Well, imagine a whole company high on its new religion. Run-thrus will replace drive-thrus, thereby forcing us to get out of our beloved cars, and they'll introduce straws so narrow that the once hedonistic act of downing a milkshake will become forced deep-breathing exercises. Hey, if I wanted to do yoga, I'd be carrying a rolled mat, not a tray.
     Unless, of course, we luck out, and the company's approach to exercise is like its approach to healthy eating - wink, wink. Then we'll get the McChairMaster, and McDonald's sports bottles filled with McFlurries for workout hydration. Fitness . . . yummm.
     McDonald's denies it, but this latest move is obviously an attempt to fight obesity-related lawsuits. But it's part of a larger, very annoying trend, of nagging by vice peddlers - the liquor purveyors, Big Food, even Big Vending. The other day I noticed a sticker on my local junk food machine urging me to snack responsibly and make ``healthy choices.''

     ``Too late,'' I thought as I pressed C4 and waited nervously for my Grandma's Trans Fat Chip cookies to drop. (I say nervously because the C1 through C8 row has a history of nondelivery, and shaking a two-ton vending machine is very embarrassing - although I'll do it if need be.)