The queen sends her RSVP: Raise the drawbridge!
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, February 24, 2005

If you ask me, Queen Elizabeth II is passing up a great opportunity by snubbing Prince Charles and Camilla's civil wedding ceremony in April.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's not a snub. It's a courtesy, as a spokesperson for Buckinghmam Palace explained: "She is aware that the prince and Mrs. Parker Bowles wanted to keep the occasion low key."

Never mind that it's a little late in the game for low-keyness, the queen's missing her big chance. There's nothing more satisfying for a disgruntled mother-in-law than to attend the wedding and offer helpful commentary to the guests. "Wearing white? My, Camilla has a sense of humor, doesn't she?"

Knowing the queen, and I feel I do, I bet she thinks this exempts her from giving a gift. Or who knows? Maybe she's exhausted her supply of big poufy floral hats and matching frocks, and can't stand to see herself described as "dowdy" one more time.

Or perhaps the civil ceremony's during her bridge game. Or the corgis' bath time.When people reach the queen's age it takes a lot to get them out of their routine.

All I know is that it's going to be sooo awkward the next time Charles and HRH Camilla have her over for dinner. Do they offer to show the video, or not?

Probably, because she is hosting the reception at the castle.

What's that about? Guilt? Am I wrong, or at Charles' age, shouldn't he be paying for this himself? If only for practical reasons. I mean, the man must rake it in from his cookie-selling sideline. The notoriously frugal queen footing the bill bodes ill. She keeps the royal heat turned down in the palace, no lie.

I'll bet, at the very bottom of the embossed, fawncy invitation, in lovely Gothic script, it reads: BYOB.

Meanwhile, you've got to pity Camilla, if just for a moment. I keep flashing to various bits of advice doled out to brides: "This is YOUR day; make your wedding reflect YOU; decisions are ultimately YOURS."

And then there's Charles' bride. I mean, there are probably royal whatsits coming whom she doesn't really care about, but has to invite because, well, because . . .

You've got to wonder what Camilla thinks of all this, beyond worrying that the queen's just not that into her, I mean. Actually, you'll probably have to wonder only for a while.

It won't be long until one of her guards pens a tell-all, revealing Camilla's private pain.

Beth Teitell's book, ``From Here to Maternity: The Education of a Rookie Mom,'' will be published at the end of March.