These days, a present isn't a present unless you've enclosed a gift receipt.

Gift receipts are the new gift wrap.

I was struck by that big thought last weekend, when I risked being attacked by a mob after I forgot to ask for a gift receipt and the clerk had to restart the entire transaction, wasting at least one minute of everyone's valuable time.

But what was I to do? Maybe it's just me, but it almost seems rude to give a present without enclosing that little slip of paper. It's as if once you've bought the present, your duty has been discharged.

The gift receipt conveys that little extra bit of consideration, in the way that a bow or ribbon once did.

``Please feel totally free to return this item if it's not to your liking,'' the receipt says. ``I, the giver, want nothing more than for you to have whatever you desire.''

Yeah, right.

Gift receipts look benign, but don't be fooled. They're nothing more than a trap that's been laid for you by the giver. And just because someone points out the receipt - it's tucked into the sweater - that doesn't give you the green light to go ahead and actually . . . return the sweater.

``Nothing annoys me more than when I've spent time shopping for a present and then someone digs around in the box and you know they're looking for that little receipt,'' a woman who prides herself on her gift-giving skills told me.

``But,'' she added, ``you have to include one or it looks like you bought the item on sale and don't want them to find out how much you paid for it.''

(If you did buy the item on sale, she advises, don't enclose the receipt, and that way if they do return it they won't know whether you bought the cute baby overalls at the original price of $24.99, or scored a pair for $4.99.)

So what should you do if you get a present you will never wear, display or use?

Is it nicer to pack it away in the basement, consigning it to a life of anonymity, than it is to return it for something you might actually like?

(Re-gifting is another subject for another time, but I will say one thing on the topic: If you re-gift, you should enclose the original gift receipt. It's the considerate thing to do.)

``I don't know why,'' one of my friends said. ``It seems nicer to keep the present even if you never look at it again, than to return it. I always feel like I'm using someone when I cash in their present for something else.''

So while she doesn't end up with a gift she likes, she can sleep at night. You never know when the giver is going to demand to conduct a weapons-of-mass-destruction-style inspection of your home. ``OK, show me the frog candlestick holders, or this friendship is over!''

Frog candlestick holders? Sometimes it really is better to return than to receive.