With all due respect to their hair, teeth and decolletage, is it really true that Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts, Britney Spears, Halle Berry and J. Lo are five of the ``25 most intriguing'' people in the entire country?

If nothing else, wouldn't it be a huge coincidence that fully one-fifth of the nation's most intriguing women are babes? Or maybe the People magazine editors are using a slightly different definition of the word than the Houghton Mifflin editors are. The American Heritage Dictionary d efines the word as ``to arouse the interest or curiosity of,'' but working backwards, I think the People staff defines it to mean: ``the ability to, or state of, looking hot in Versace,'' or ``able to toss hair and cross and uncross legs on Leno.''

I know a lot of people spent the past weekend frantically shopping for loved ones, but me, I was buried in newspapers and magazines. What with the release of the study reporting that Playboy centerfolds have gradually lost their curves over the years - which is perhaps why none of them made People's list - and the news that ``Friends'' will have a 10th season, I barely had time to give People's list the time it deserves.

And I must confess, that when I first looked at the cover - which features Lo, Berry, Roberts, Aniston, George Clooney, Eminem and a very tiny photo of the Osbournes - I worried that some low-level People intern had made a mistake and rerun the ``Most Beautiful People'' cover, but then I opened the magazine and couldn't find Mitt Romney anywhere. That's when I realized that I was indeed looking at the ``Most Intriguing'' list.

(Mitt's omission raised an interesting question: Is our new governor more beautiful than he is intriguing? And if so, what does that mean for us? And if you had the choice, which would you go for, most intriguing or most beautiful?)

I must confess that even before this list I had issues with People magazine's selection process. The magazine recently named Ben Affleck the ``sexiest man alive,'' a designation I totally disagree with, and yet where can I go with my problem? If there were a union of People magazine readers I could file a grievance, and demand to be part of the selection process in the future, but oh well, I have better things to do anyway, like look at the pictures of Brad Pitt when he was named People's SMA, in 1995 and 2000.

I'm not saying this is going to happen, but if Aniston and Pitt ever divorce, what could drive them apart, what with her being so intriguing (People 2002) and beautiful (People, 2000), and him so sexy? As far as I'm concerned, if they do split, they have no excuse.

I know it seems kind of selfish to rail against the People lists just because I don't happen to agree with their choices, but it's not just myself or other civilians I'm unhappy for. It's the contenders, too. Look what the pressure to make the list forced Winona to do. She had to turn herself into a felon. There she is on page 88. ``Her latest role,'' the catchy copy reads in the table of contents, ``convicted shoplifter.''

Shoplifting. If that's not intriguing, I don't know what is.