This year, I resolve: I'll always have Paris
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
I know it's a bit early to make a New Year's resolution, but when you're as psyched as I am to make a change, there's no waiting to get started.
So wish me luck: This year, I vow to keep closer
tabs on Paris Hilton. Yes, I know everyone says that, and on New Year's Day, the
Paris Web sites are more crowded than the gyms. And then, a few weeks later -
you know the drill - the traffic drops way off, as the chilly reality sets in
and people realize that staying current Paris-wise is a lot harder than they thought.
But it's going to be so worth the effort, I just know it! Personally, I must confess I'm not that interested in the celebutante - excuse me, wasn't that interested - but what do I know? No less a master than Barbara Walters considers Paris one of the ``most fascinating people of 2004,'' so who am I to disagree? Does ``Saturday Night Live'' serve up spoofs about me?
By specializing in Parisian knowledge, I expect some of her je ne sais quoi to rub off on me. Some people know a lot about art or politics. But my plan is to be the go-to person for all news Paris, and be a fascinating glamour queen by association. I can imagine the scene. I'll be at a cocktail party, feigning interest in the dog (not a Chihuahua, unfortunately), when a group will summon me: ``Beth,'' one of the members will call out, ``do you know if Paris' breasts are real?''
``Funny you should ask,'' I'll begin, swigging some Cristal as Paris would, ``but just this morning I learned that when she was 16 she begged her father for a boob job but he said no, and although she was `devastated' at the time, she's glad now since she doesn't like the look of silicone implants.''
I mentioned my resolution to a friend, thinking she'd be really excited that I had a goal, but instead I got a little lecture, which, frankly, I chalked up to jealousy. ``It's going to be a challenge,'' she said. ``It's a daily thing you know. You're going to have to get up earlier to go online and read about her, you're going to have to watch her shows, and any interview programs she's on . . . ''
I think she continued, but I could no longer listen. This was starting to sound like a lot of work, a lot of checking into the Hilton, so to speak.
Maybe I'll do something easier. Like try to lose 20 pounds.
