Annoyance has become cards' true hallmark
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
If you really want to spread holiday cheer, join me in my efforts to outlaw holiday cards.
Don't be so hasty to call me a Scrooge - I'm simply trying to help my fellow envelope-licking sufferers.
Ever since the day after Thanksgiving, almost everyone I know has been complaining about cards. They loom like a black cloud of stress over the whole holiday season, whispering in your ear while you're vegging in front of the TV or reading a catalog: You should be addressing me now . . .
So, let's give Hallmark a subsidy, much like the farmers receive - we'll pay it not to make cards - and we'll all Just Say No.
Think how much time you'd have if you didn't have to choose, buy, address, write and purchase stamps in order to send out a group mailing to everyone in your e-mail contacts list, many of whom you haven't corresponded with since . . . last year's holiday card.
Quick question: As you address their card, can you remember what they look like? I thought not.
And what would you do with this time bonanza? Hey, you could socialize with the very people whose cards you were going to stay home and do.
Further, if you're someone who doesn't receive a lot of cards, the law - let's call it Don't Buy, Don't Send - would eliminate at least one measure of popularity that you're failing. (Sorry, even Congress can't help you with a lack of holiday party invitations). The law would also benefit those who suffer from interior design envy and don't even have mantles.
It would also reduce the annoyance factor. I don't know about you, but I dislike getting impersonal cards from mortgage lenders, banks and telephone companies. ``Happy New Year!'' (And by the way, our prices are rising, partly to cover the cost of our holiday-card mailings.)
And here's another reason the government should put a stop to the annual ritual. The cards cause homeland insecurity. There's nothing worse than getting a gorgeous photo of someone else's children when you can't even get it together enough to write a few cards from CVS.
So, red state, blue state, I think we can all get behind this.
