Party invites must be in the mail
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
A good friend of mine, a lovely woman, really, was shopping for holiday-party outfits Friday, when her husband reached her on her cell at Ann Taylor. Hearing what she was up to, he couldn't help but point out a painful truth: They had no holiday parties to attend.
``I knew we hadn't gotten any invitations yet,'' she told me later, ``but it still hadn't sunk in. I guess I thought they'd be coming.''
She bought a pink cashmere sweater anyway ``just in case,'' but as the days passed and the mail brought no hand-addressed envelopes with festive stamps, she started to accept the situation.
``I don't know what happened to us this year,'' she said.
I've had bad years, too, and I'm never quite sure what brings them on or makes them go away.
In fallow times, it's almost as if my social life has been struck by a reverse ``perfect storm,'' in which events that seemed unrelated to me - one friend was redoing her kitchen, another's aunt took ill, a third just had a baby - conspired to rob me of any invitations.
Endless articles are written on party strategies, but they address the challenges faced by guests or hosts: how to mingle, or drink in moderation, or what kind of music to play to get things moving.
But the outcasts who are ignored face far more challenging issues. The ostracized are left to grapple with the situation on their own.
Well, not quite on their own. Inevitably, they're surrounded by people who are ``complaining'' about how busy they are this time of year, and how hard it is to cram everything in since Thanksgiving was late this year.
When I described my friend's situation to several very social people I know - omitting her name, of course - they offered some advice, and among the wisdom was a warning not to try to throw a party of her own, a move she was considering.
``No one - well, no one decent - will be able to come, or be willing to admit they can come,'' one expert told me. ``Inviting people to a party at this late date will either broadcast your friend's own lack of invitations, or make the guest think that she was on a `B' list.''
It was suggested that my friend and her husband get dressed up for the next few weekends, and make a big show of heading out in front of their neighbors.
``They can go see a movie, or sneak back into their home through a back door,'' one woman advised, ``but they need to be seen.''
I called my friend to pass on the advice, which got me thinking about how many people don't really enjoy holiday parties that much anyway, and I realized that this year, by appearing to go to parties without actually doing so, she would be in the lucky position of enjoying the best of both worlds.
