GPS turns couple's bickering in whole new direction
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, November 20, 2003
You don't hear much
about it, but my guess is that even as the brave pioneer husbands and wives
pushing west with their families were fighting off attackers, they took time
out to bicker over directions. ``Jebediah, I told you we needed to make a
left at that pass. Pull the Conestoga wagon over so I can ask for help.''
But now the debate over which gender has the better sense of direction is moot, or rapidly becoming so, as a growing number of cars are outfitted with global positioning systems.
We rented a Taurus with a GPS on a recent trip to Washington, D.C., and I finally got to see the genius of it up close. And I'm not talking about the fact that civilians trying to find Disney World now have a $12 billion navigation system built by the military at their disposal.
No, the most impressive feature is how the technology takes two people - reasonable people, albeit each with strongly held ideas about how to get from Point A to Point B - and gives them a third ``person'' to turn against when, hours after being expected by relatives at Point B, they find themselves at Point C. What better way to unite warring factions thanto introduce a dictator into the mix?
And I say ``dictator'' because the GPS Lady, as pleasant as she sounds, brooks no discussion and considers no excuses. Yes, we needed to make a right onto Connecticut Avenue from K Street - we all agreed on that - but what she couldn't, or wouldn't, see was a sign telling us right turns were prohibited by law, lady.
``Right turn,'' she said, donging her chimes for emphasis.
``We can't,'' I yelled.
``She's going to be pissed,'' my husband said, disobeying orders.
But what were our choices? If we got snagged making the right, would the policeman agree that it was ``her fault''? Could he be convinced to write ``her'' the ticket? To ask the questions is to answer them.
We tried to turn around, but all right and left turns were prohibited. As we sped away from our destination, we looked to the GPS pad for help.
``Proceed to the highlighted route,'' she said coolly, referring to the map on the GPS pad - without giving us a clue as to how to get to the highlighted route.
I tried to restrain myself, but we'd been playing her little game for hours. ``That's where we're trying to go.''
But instead of coming back with a remark - ``Well, if you'd been paying more attention we wouldn't have gotten lost in the first place,'' or, ``You never take my feelings into consideration'' - she simply repeated her command to proceed to the highlighted route. When that didn't happen, she came up with a new route for us.
Which gave me an idea. What about a GPS Lady for the home? She could keep various family members in line, with a command something along the lines of ``Proceed to the kitchen with your dishes.''
Who would have thought the military could help improve family relations?
