Scandal-less Clinton museum doesn't
quite fit the Bill
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Who's Bill Clinton trying
to kid with his new library? Thirteen exhibits on economic and diplomatic achievements
and blah blah blah and only one on That Woman, Miss Lewinsky?
Did he learn nothing from his book tour, where all
anyone wanted to talk about was The Good Parts? Do the words ``traffic flow''
mean nothing to him?
I can imagine what it will be like down there in
Little Rock, Ark. Most of the library will be devoid of visitors - vast open spaces
with only the helmet-headed presidential historian and PBS darling Michael Beschloss
wandering around - and then there will be the Sexual Relations Alcove (not its
actual name).
Jostling crowds will be lined up behind velvet ropes,
snaking around Disney World-style, waiting hours for a glimpse of something deliciously
tawdry. Except that, just like in his book, Clinton won't really deliver the goods.
My bet is there will be no screeching Hillary animatron
throwing White House bric-a-brac, no thong-flashing Monica, no blue dress. And
the gift shop - it probably won't even sell pardons.
But this being America, some clever entrepreneur
will no doubt open a Bubba's World right next door, where frustrated Clinton ``scholars''
can enjoy karaoke-style games (wave your finger, bite your lip and assert, ``I
did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky'' while standing
in a replica of the Oval Office) and gorge on pre-op favorites like cheeseburgers
and french fries.
As you may have read, a lot of big stars were expected
in Arkansas for the opening. Where's the Red Carpet? Where's Sam Donaldson asking
Jimmy Carter, ``Who are you wearing?''
Clinton took some heat for his library - of course
- but who can blame him for wanting one? A library is de rigueur for a
president these days - it's the commander-in-chief version of the vanity restaurant.
A lot's been written about the place already, but
some of the big questions remain unanswered:
Is there a story hour? Considering the heft of
``My Life,'' it should be billed as story/nap hour.
Are labradors allowed?
Is there an internship program for librarians?
Is it smoking or nonsmoking, or only cigar-smoking?
