Twins at 56? Great grandma! What is this lady thinking?
By Beth Teitell
Thursday, November 11, 2004

Not to judge another woman - OK, to judge another woman:
     Is it me, or is that 56-year-old unwed New Yorker who just gave birth to twins crazy? As a single mom, doesn't she know how the babies will hamper her future, once so bright?
     She can forget taking any more adult-ed clases. Bye-bye ``learn to tie a scarf like a pro'' and ``Chinese cooking.'' And who has time for mah-jongg when there are twin tots in need of a diaper change?
     And it's not just her lifestyle I'm worried about. What if she sparks a trend? As the number of births to unwed teenage moms drops, will we see a spike in babies born to single ``bingo moms''?
     They'll probably become a whole new voting bloc, pushing to get Medicare to cover prenatal vitamins and urging stroller manufacturers to produce modified side-by-side strollers/wheelchairs. Picture this: Hovaround motorized chairs with little U-haul attachments for carriages.
     A couple of days before her scheduled C-section, Aleta St. James told the New York Daily News her age wouldn't be a problem. ``When you're older,'' she said, ``you have a lot of wisdom. What you lack in energy, you make up for in wisdom.''
     I ran that quote by several older moms. ``A lack of energy you make up for in bitterness,'' one said. ``That's my theory.''
     ``Who knew that `golden years' referred to mashed bananas and Winnie the Pooh's fur?'' she added.
     Another wondered how much wisdom one needs during 2 a.m. feedings. ``She might be wise,'' this mom said, ``but she's going to look like !@#. She better get some good concealer.''
     Caring for her children might make her look older - OK, it will make her look older - but having them will take years off her . . . reputation.
     Here's the theory: If you can still have kids, then at least your ovaries are young, hence, a one-upmanship on Botox and chemical peels. ``Isn't she past it?'' ``Nonsense - she's expecting triplets, so how old can she be?''
     Meanwhile, I think her biggest challenge - besides finding day care at the assisted living facility - will be surviving play dates. She'll be talking about the latest AARP magazine cover gal and the other moms will be gossiping about Lindsay Lohan.
     If that's not aging, I don't know what is.
     And yet, there are pluses: Hearing loss means a colicky screamfest is but a whispery hiss, and the drama-queen-mama threat of ``You want to pierce what? Do you want to kill me?'' gets a little extra edge of possibility.