I was saddened by the Winona Ryder verdict, but not on Winona's behalf. On my own. I had been planning to use one of Winona's defenses - that she was only shoplifting to prepare for a movie role - in my own life.

Yeah, the house is a mess, but it's because I'm writing a novel, and I'm trying to get into the head of my main character, a woman who lets her home and herself go.

I'd spend my days downing doughnuts, smoking cigarettes and watching TV, all in the name of . . . research. Yeah, that's the ticket. Research.

Well, that was the plan, at least.

If there was any good news - for me - in yesterday's verdict, it was that the jury of her peers (and a former boss) acquitted Winona on the commercial burglary charge. That's the one that would have required proof that she had deliberately gone to the store with intent to steal.

That's the defense I use all the time when I return from the mall with an arm full of (purchased) clothes.

``I didn't intend to buy,'' I told my husband just last week, ``but when I got into the designer section, I was seized by an irresistible urge.''

I wasn't on the jury, of course, so I don't have access to all the facts, but one thing didn't ring true: the bit about her asking two Saks employees to fetch her a Coke.

Are we supposed to believe that someone as willowy as Winona would be willing to blow 180 calories on a beverage, when Diet Coke is delicious?

I don't know Winona personally (although I feel and act as if I do), but I'm wondering if her ``theft'' was really an attempt to call attention to a glaring social injustice: namely, how expensive designer clothes are.

By stealing particularly overpriced items - an $80 pair of Donna Karan socks, some Frederic Fekkai hair bows and bands valued at about $600, a $750 white Yves Saint Laurent blouse - maybe she was trying to shine a spotlight on how out-of-reach designer clothes have become for the common woman.

In other words, Winona was using her fame and wealth to help us, her people. She's not a felon, she's a crusader.

Just like O.J. Was it a coincidence that they both used the same ``this-is-too-hideous-for-me'' defense? - he when he described a pair of Bruno Magli shoes he allegedly wore as ``ugly-ass,'' and she when her lawyer held one of the hot bows over her head and asked if the jury could really picture her wearing it?

I imagine that Winona's planning to appeal her verdict, but in the meantime, if I were her I'd try to hunt down the real thief. Let's put out an APB for a waiflike, very well-dressed young woman with a pair of scissors in her hands.