Photo opportunities benefit from a Rosie outlook
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, November 5, 2003
Sadly, I'm not one of the Rosie jurors. But if I were, in addition to making plans to cash in with a behind-the-scenes book about the deliberations, I'd vote to give the former Queen of Nice the whole $125 million she's seeking from her former business partners over the demise of her magazine.
Plus punitive damages.
Why? Well, on Monday, a star witness for the other side - former ``Rosie'' magazine editor Susan Toepher - admitted in open court that she wanted to go ahead with a cover photo even though Rosie thought it made her look fat.
``You're trying to destroy me,'' O'Donnell reportedly bellowed. ``I'm not Oprah. I don't want to be on the cover and see my fat, effing body!''
Hey, as they say, with star witnesses like that, who needs to cross-examine?
Rosie's nemesis testified that the former daytime talk-show host also nixed the photo because it showed her squeezed between two other women. O'Donnell reportedly said, ``As a lesbian, I'm uncomfortable being on a magazine cover holding another woman or touching another woman.''
Later, outside the Manhattan Supreme Court, O'Donnell denied the latter part of Toepher's testimony - ``I have never in my life said, `As a lesbian, blah blah, blah. As a lesbian, pass the salt! As a lesbian, give me a Diet Coke!' '' - but tellingly, she let stand the so-called ``I look like a moose'' evidence.
I never thought I'd turn to Rosie for guidance, but now I realize the lady sees things straight. The more I thought about her comments, the more I realized how many people I know are trying to destroy me - including some of my best friends and my parents (I kid you not, their house is filled with photos of me in which I do not look attractive).
``Mom,'' I bellowed when she picked up the phone, ``you and Dad are trying to destroy me.''
Rosie-style, I slammed down the phone (actually, I was on my cordless phone, so I just pushed the ``end'' button really hard).
Next, I called a friend who keeps a photo of her wedding party in her den - a photo that shows me looking like a very plain bridesmaid.
``You're trying to destroy me,'' I bellowed.
I expected her to apologize, but instead she told me a theory of hers. ``It's better to look bad in a picture than good,'' she explained. ``If you look gorgeous in the photo but average in real life, then when people see you they think, `Oh, she's not that attractive.' But if you look worse in the photo than in real life, you sort of achieve victim status, and by comparison you look better.''
Maybe she just was a really smooth talker, or maybe she was truly on to something, or maybe I just needed to believe her. But whatever it was, it worked.
I wonder whether Oprah will buy the same argument from Rosie's attorney.
