Amazon.com's foray into vibrators is earth-shaking
By Beth Teitell
Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Who knew? Amazon.com, purveyor of fine literature and baby rattles, is also in the vibrator business.
     When the news of Amazon's adult-toys line emerged, all I could think of is how weird the recommendations and ``better together'' features must be:
     Customers who bought the Beginner's Bondage Fantasy Kit (nonreturnable, fyi), also bought: Edible Warming Oils; ``The Halliburton Agenda: The Politics of Oil and Money'' (John Wiley & Sons); and Lakeside Pickled Turkey Gizzards.
     The Cyrstal Clear Lady Finger Vibrator - better with the Paris Hilton sterling silver anklet with Swarovski crystal hearts ($60) and the Panasonic Nose and Ear Hair Groomer.
     It's one thing that they know about your Roz Chast obsession, but this?
     Now that Amazon's getting really personal, I'm wondering if the recommendations will become even more consumer-specific?
     What if you order the Jenna Jameson blow-up doll, and then you start getting suggestions for ``Living Alone and Loving It''?
     Or, after months of ordering Atkins and South Beach and celebrity diet books, it suggests you just call it a day and buy a vibrator.
     And how much longer will the Amazon recommendations yenta be content to communicate via e-mail? Is that a Seattle area code on my caller ID?
     ``Get your hair cut - wearing it below the shoulders like you do is aging. No wonder you need these sex aids.''
     ``If you'd go out on Saturday nights instead of shopping online, maybe you wouldn't need to buy so many `toys.' ''
     Not that there's anything wrong with buying personal lubricants while you're ordering Great Aunt Hilda's holiday present - Amazon's been selling sex toys for a year with nary a complaint - but just in case, ``discreet'' shopping services are available. Click on the Crystal Clear Lady Finger Vibrator, and a link to ``YouShopSafe.com'' pops up.
     And just whom are you kept safe from? Criminals? Nah - from people who could really pose a threat to your identity: your spouse and your nosy neighbors. YouShopSafe.com, acting as a frat boy middleman, mails your purchase in plain packaging and makes sure your credit-card statement reads only ``YouShopSafe.com.''
     Thanks, bro!
     Meanwhile, be careful about shopping at work. The Amazon.com home page on your computer clearly isn't the ``boss-safe'' site it once was. Especially when it recommends ``Sex for Dummies.''