Big-league shopper puts on her game face
By Beth Teitell
Tuesday, October 28, 2003

What it would be like if World Series announcers narrated real life . . .
     "There's got to be a lot going through her mind right now. She's going to a wedding this weekend and she still hasn't found shoes.
     "The sandals she's trying on would work with her new Coach bag, but the straps are hitting her pinky toes at the wrong place. The salesman is playing hardball, telling her how sexy her feet look, and promising the leather will stretch, but when it comes to actually wearing shoes bought under this much pressure, she's zero for three.
     "Let's hope her shopping coach - her mother's voice, which she hears constantly in her head - takes away her wallet before she makes an error.
     "OK, she's gotten out of the store without giving anything up, but she still needs a hit, so we'll probably see her heading into Lord & Taylor or - wait, what's this? In an apparent change of strategy, she's heading toward a nail salon to take advantage of a mani-pedi special.
     "We know she performs best in the clutch - remember the pashmina shawl she bought on the way to an event as her cab idled on Newbury Street, and the time she lost five pounds in one week before Spring Break? - so she's probably stalling in an attempt to up the ante, to bring her fans to the brink of heartbreak. She needs it to come down to bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two men out . . .
     "In other words, tonight after putting the kids to bed, we'll see her speeding to Bloomingdale's 10 minutes before closing time."
     "Of course, the wedding shoes aren't her only problem. She's got to be home by 5 p.m. today to make her day-care pickup, but reading her face I'd say she might be bringing in a pinch hitter. Yes, she's dialing her cellphone right now, asking her babysitter to stay late.
     "We're assuming she's going to use this time to go to Saks . . .
     "Even though she's hitless there, especially in the all-important wedding season.
     "Yes, but apparently that curse was lifted last week, when she found a Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress marked down 65 percent.
      "She is going to Saks, but - uh-oh - she's not heading into shoes. The Bobbi Brown team is pitching woo, and she's been benched at the counter for a facial. Well, folks, that looks like it's going to be it for her today.
     "You know, this is when we'd expect to see some action in the bullpen, but nothing's going on there. That's an oversight. The starter needs to be taken out of the game."